Phonies really are depressing. Not that it should matter to me, but then I'm left with no one to have a good conversation with but myself on this wall. Getting tired of using simple words, probably because I don't want anyone to understand it anymore. But then again I'm bad at writing in a crypt-ed way.
They put up a smart conversation, or start one. Catches my interest, I think it is a break from those dumb boring monotone talk, I participate, and there comes the next line uttered by them which proves that they are complete phonies and real idiots. Strong word I used, but then they are. Just trying to show off. You can make it out from their words. If not show off, they use that stupidest line of giving it up to "fate" or as you interpret it types when I am saying already what I'm interpreting it as.
Another never getting tired talks are those relationship talks they talk. I'm not interested in their personal lives, now I'm not because I've grown sick of it and anyways depresses me listening to their gooey love stories. I never understood how a person can be with one for so long without getting bored of each other. To prove that to me they do those talks, almost persuade me that it works when I see it strong for few years and then it anyways ends, making me even more cynical. Last one didn't last so the reason given is: "You'll find something much better the next time!" or "It was an immature relationship" or "You deserve much better" and such bull-craps. And then get into another one, give the same damned reason when it ends too. Every time it is immature. I'm now beginning to wonder what exactly is a "mature" relationship, because every time it ends it is tagged immature. Anyways that has put me off. Made me feel wasted.
Getting averse to conversation because of all this. Sometimes I wonder if I had turned into one of them at one particular point. Phonies. No one to talk back on theories or some worth talking thoughts, or get to listen to something new so that I can start thinking in a different way. Because of the void there is this decay because of stagnancy of same line of thoughts. When I do get it, there is BIG time constraints.
There is so much more but then I've lost interest because of deceptions and because it really won't make a difference. Some things which were beautiful and important to me were tagged as something crappy and insignificant which made me feel even more depressed. So best is to ignore and pretend to make them feel they are smart.
Probably all my decisions weren't right. Now that they are taken, I am in no mood to undo it even if I wanted to.
I'm so bored of this while writing itself that I feel all this is even more crappy, including the post.
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