Acid

Thought of a fireplace made you walk

Draught and rain didn’t make you stop

The dream of fire was wild and red

All that welcomed was blue and dead

“Raining it is” was said when there is draught

Broken hand pumps, cracks in the soil

Scorching sun burned your cracked lips

Die if you must said she, it’s a choice if you wish

Dry wind rocked the swings by and by

A loner walked with a stranger beside

Encouraging smile while walking she gave him

It was acid not any gin

Agitated bottle of some drink

You waited for the fizz to die in

Tightened the lid, and watched around

The fizz never seemed to die down

A word of caution given, paid no heed

Tried to be a friend when in need

Befriending you when you come to me

But I’m acidic; don’t dream of creed

---..

A Mistaken Identity

The calm and closed face is all you see

There is a smile invisible to thee

Retreating in shell when unknowns around

Thee thought its arrogance profound

Dark brown eyes speaking a song

Subtle smile playing along

It was a step taken towards thee

But the lips were thought to be mocking at thee

Smile I’ll never was the opinion of me

Feel I’ll never was thought of me

Speak what you want was what you said

Hurt and she?  Will that be even felt?

Days passed by, ignored all along

The mind was set and even more strong

Little was cared about everyone and thee

You took the liberty of thinking its attitude in me

Reasons they were, a judgment passed

Intrigued by character, thee said why not?

In the virtual world, it started with a “hi”

A mistaken identity it was, you realized

---..

Moods

Today: 21 April, 2010

Wednesday

Its 5 30pm. Semi gray clouds. It’s raining real hard with the occasional thunders. The sound of rain falling on the asphalt is so beautiful that it makes me want to have a coffee and sit in the balcony staring at it pour. I’m here, sans the coffee though.

Bringing back some memories, giving me a funny tickle in my tummy thinking about it. They are romantic. They are sweet. My mood is mellow mature. Enjoying the silence in solitude. A pleasant mood.

Moods. 

It is very much controllable. But when you try to over control it, it is disastrous.

Noticed, whenever we are sad, we tend to subconsciously enjoy living in that mood. We tend to bring in more negative thoughts, as if we are attracting it more and more. Maybe we enjoy the attention then? Or maybe we want to be taken care of then? It feels sick from inside, hopeless, writing beautiful heartfelt poems. Waste of energy.

Try getting lost in the song you love the most. Sing along! Try not to control your laugh when you feel like laughing. Laughing actually releases so much of tension. Making you instantly feel much lighter. Enjoy the sound of rain. Enjoy. It is that easy to shift the thoughts; if you stop romanticising with sadness.

It’s a powerful feeling when the mood shifts to a brighter one. The self confidence, the bright smile, the bubbling energy, spring in every step... At that moment everything is unstoppable. Thoughts are beautiful. Everything is possible. There is no doubt. There is no fear.

Another catalyst in negation is possessiveness; when it is mixed with jealousy. Acidic! Love of any kind is free, unbounded. It has to be. Being possessive is fine, but not to such extent that you go insanely wild. Should be careful on whom you should let get close to you...

Stress, tension and depression... Who to let get close to? Who to get attached? Who should I care about? Who are important? Is interaction that important? At some point maybe yea. But sometimes there is more peace when there is less interaction :)

Moods are weird. Feelings... Trying to enjoy something when something else should be tasted...

And it’s best some feelings are not controlled. Love is a beautiful music. Laughter is a beautiful sound. Happiness is sunshine. It is wonderful :)

 

---..

Imagine

Imagine there’s no Heaven

It’s easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today

Imagine there’s no countries

It isn’t hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say that I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope some day you’ll join us

And the world will live as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world

You may say that I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will live as one

-   - John Lennon

---..

Rain and us

Ever noticed the similarity between nature and our behavior? It is almost the same.

There is always a storm when a disaster befalls. Dark black clouds cut off the sun, blocking our thought process. Process of thinking rationally. Then there are thunders of words, flash of lightening anger...

When all this is happening, there is this soothing cool breeze; words of comfort from "friends". 

Suddenly there the clouds clash, and down comes the tears of rain. It falls hard. Cries till tears dry out. Finally after some time, rain stops. The clouds start disappearing. Its sunny again. Thoughts are clear as the blue sky. Smiling like twinkling stars.

But then its like a closed loop. It will happen again. But there is this belief: it will work out, whatever it is.

Like knowing there is morning after dark.

---..

On Fear and Believe

Fear, it is experienced when there is lack of confidence. It is experienced when there is uncertainty. And the worst fears come true when we believe it will.

It gives anxiety attacks, panic attacks. It makes you believe you’re gonna loose it; whatever it is. Makes you doubt yourself, your thoughts. Makes you lose focus. Takes you into the path of depression and total hopelessness behaviour.

Believe. Just like you believe the clouds will disappear to a bright sunshine. You believe the clouds will disappear because you know it will. And because you are confident it will. There is no fear. Fear robs you off this feeling.

You get so consumed in self doubt and so consumed that it is gonna fail, never work that it never will. It makes you feel like a wimp. You want to take steps towards it, but are scared that it will fail. Fear makes you weak. This is what fear does. It tortures and then kills.

Believing works. It really does. Instead of believing in failure, put that into positive things. That will bring in more confidence, less of depression and better focus towards work. Just believe in it truly and completely. Rest will work out itself. Mind works better when it is peaceful. When agitated, everything will be painful and foggy.

Know what you want. Decide and be sure. Believe in it. It will work.

Fear is something that is created by our mind. Fear is nothing but a block you are putting in front of yourself. Fear will be true, if you believe in it. Fear is nothing, but a hurdle. Jump over it.

You are stronger than your mind. I am. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. Believe it will happen. Rest everything will be fine, trust me. : )

“All power is within you; you can do anything and everything. Believe in that. Do not believe that you are weak”

--Swami Vivekananda

Just Believe.

---..

Break

I wish I could break the crystals of my life. Break into millions of pieces. Then rebuild it again, choosing only what I want. But changing every time when something troubles is like running away. Till when will I run? Sometime or later I’m bound to get tired. Till when will I demolish and rebuild?

I wish I could break all the memories and my emotions.  Break into millions of pieces. And let it scatter away. Let it get blown away into nothingness with the wind. Going back to some memories and experience the emotions again is a torture. Why would I want that?

I wish I could break all the segments of fear, uncertainty and hope. Break into zillions of pieces. They do nothing but divert and distract. They do nothing but drain me off my energy when I can put it somewhere else. They do nothing but make me waste my time, take full control over me and inevitably fills me with expectations. It breaks me into pieces when they are not met. Why can’t I just believe? Isn’t that all that is required?

I wish I could break myself when I think of giving up. Giving up is like giving up on the challenges. Life is bland without challenges. What’s the point in living when the passion is dead, when the goal is forgotten and when worth is questioned, by self?

I was Wandering

Wrote this in a competition in BMSCE fest "Utsav", April 2 2010. In collaboration with Vibha. Didn't win. :(

(Introduction: War every where. We fight, we kill. In the end what do we get? Is that piece of land worth loosing lives? When there can be harmony and peace. This is about a girl, who lost her home in a war. In search of her identity she is wandering. In search of answers she is wandering. The answer eludes her..)

V: I was wandering, on the crossroads I stand

Wondering to myself which is my land

Who was the one’s I can call on my own…

In whose arms I was borne?

V: I see no difference between there and here

The eyes all over have the same fear

Why is there pain, why the tears?

Why are all looking for their dears?

V: Little was I when I was taken,

I know for sure I was never forsaken,

My mother’s eyes had all the options read,

I was either going or left there dead

A: Mother’s love, so intense and divine

The option was known, clear like a chime

Clutching to her heart, she took me and fled

Life was my gift, before she left

A: What’s in a name, what’s in a color?

What do we fight for, what do we achieve?

I lost my life, lost my home

I’m a wanderer, in search of my home

A: Questions I ask, answers unknown

Wanting to belong, feel a sense of home

Walking around, in search of clue

All I see is broken and gloom

V: Not knowing where to go

Unsure of my roots am to sow

I walk alone clutching on my mother’s ring

I’ve been, still I am...

I am wandering…

---..