A Reminder

Reminder of my basic childhood principle/theory:
My existence has a reason.

The 12 year old was much smarter than the 21 year old.
---..

Complexity

Define complex.

What makes a person simple or complex? Person who doesn’t question, and just enjoys is simple?

A person who questions to find answer is complex? The one who tries to understand the meaning of life and who refuses to plainly exist just for the sake, is that person complex? Who believes in purpose, reason and meaning is complex? Someone who believes in a philosophy, and holds on to it because maybe it is giving her relief at that moment, however insane it sounds to other is complex? Be it any kind of philosophy. There is understanding, some closeness to an answer, a feeling of discovery and then euphoria... the amazing feeling of euphoria. This is much more than happiness isn’t it? Wanting euphoria is complex?

The joy of competing, a push to extremes to win; which makes her life exciting. Accepting a challenge, which makes her feel alive, a feeling of “she’s on fire”. Alive with passion to do it, for the pure love of it. It can be any subject. Anything at all.

Refusing to acknowledge guilt, sacrifice as heroic sentiments. Not an act to be different. There is no need to be. Refusing it because she has learnt to place “I” first. Not ashamed in believing “I am almost perfect”. “Almost” because, there has to be a room for changes. Call her proud. She won’t mind. Ask her to fly low, she will refuse. You contradict her with arguments, she has stronger ones. Why should she fly low? She is not afraid of heights. Why do you have a problem in her believing she is perfect? If you have a problem, why are you wasting your time on her?  Stop wasting your time, stop giving smart remarks, it won’t affect her. She doesn’t need you to respect her. She doesn’t need your approval. She is proud of who she is. She loves the way she is. Stop wasting your time; else you’ll listen to sassy reply, “Don’t waste my time. I’ve other things to work on.” Or is it because you are afraid to believe you are perfect, hence the contradictions? Or is it too scandalous for you, because it sounded bold to you? Or is it just for the heck of it?

There is clarity. There is peace when there is clarity. There is satisfaction, stability. There is this urge to decode to understand. There is life. And so much more... More I try to use words, more it diminishes the beauty and the fire of the feeling.

All this is complex?

Define complex/complexity.

---..

Baarish :)

Boondein barse rhimjhim rhimjhim..

Thandi hava chale

Saath mein laai mitti ki khusbu

Dil khushi se jhume! :)

Finally, finally finally! Megha barsa, thodi rahat aai. Kadkti garmi mein, dil ko thandak pahunchi. (Even if for few mins :P)

Pardon my hindi. :)

Rain came, and along with it some new hope. Rain came, and along with it the change of wind. A renewed strength. It finally rained, washing away my doubts with it.

The sound of rain brought a smile on my lips. For how long I was dying for this! The breeze of hope, telling me not to give up; not yet.

It brought a change of mood. A change of atmosphere. A change in energy.

What rain can do to me :)

So happy! So bubbly and so full of life! :)

---..

Answering the "Why?"

It might be insignificant and not important at this moment. All I know is it gave me some peace, to some extent and helped me understand me better. It will be the same with everyone else too. Just that they won’t be realizing it. No one will be having the patience to stop and think for a while and ask, “Why?”

It did agitate me for many days. “Why?” The change. The behaviour. The distancing. The happiness. The everything. It’s beautiful, the human mind. How it works. I guess the quote was right, “Reality is an illusion”. Illusion because I really didn’t see what I was doing. “Why?” Now I know why.

Its subconscious mind’s game. It’s my own mind’s game.

Something disastrous happens. Obviously it’s not wanted. First thing the mind tries to do is, “refuse”. Refuse to accept it. Refuse to believe it happened. But then some time later, it sets in. And the next thing that mind tires to do is, “block”. Block everything. Every feeling, negativity. Everything that has to do with the disaster. Memories are blocked. There is a slow change in character. Some become passive. Some become tough.

The one who become tough act like nothing had ever happened and they have moved on with their lives. They act as if nothing is stopping them. Nothing actually can. And in actual reality, nothing really can stop them. They refuse to listen to complains. They refuse to go down. They become insensitive to people around them. Insensitive to anything about them. They just don’t care. Distances created. Act indifferent to everything. What they don’t realize is that this is what they are trying to do with themselves to get over the disaster. They are being tough on themselves, not others. They are being insensitive to themselves, not others. That is because they want to go ahead. An attempt to try make themselves strong. Their behaviour is nothing but a reflection on how they actually want their mind to be. What they actually want to be. Just that its not realized. When the question, “why” is put up, then starts the torture to understand. It takes up lot of time. Time is wasted in the process, but then there is some mental peace later. And some more understanding of self. That’s when you will be comfortable with self.

The one who become passive maybe they just go into depression. They are in constant denial. Constant hope that it never really  happened. Constant hope that it will be fine. Maybe be just praying to god, hoping their prayers will be answered when they fail to realize that it’s just them who have to do something.

There is no one but you yourself to say, “Everything will be all right. Trust me”. You are your own motivation.

Sure, distances are created. There is some loneliness because of this indifference and whatever behavior. But then, “Everything will be all right. Trust me.”

---..

Pigeons :)

They are irritating. The shit all around in my mother's beautiful balcony garden. And there is lot of pigeon wings around too. They gutar goo-ed when I needed it to be quiet and peaceful and that would irk me even more! :)

One fine day, in the corner of the wall, in a beautiful plant pot, mom found an tiny egg. It was beautifully placed. It was like the pigeon had first sat on it, made a beautiful space among the leaves (It was like there is a hole in between and the leaves are diverging from below) and then laid her egg. :)

She choose a beautiful spot too. Beside that plant pot, there were bloomed button red roses. In front, a bi-coloured hibiscus kali. And diagonally bunch of purple periwinkle flowers. If you see it in pigeon's point of view (:D), she had chosen a beautiful mini garden in front of her "home".

There is no more irritation now. I smile looking at it. Everything is happening simultaneously at the right time.

I am waiting to see the egg hatch now and see her tillu baby.

The most beautiful thing in this world: a birth.