What is special? Something you feel? Someone you met? Someone you know? Something you got? Something you do?
Nothing is special. It seems special because you make it special. You make it special because you love it. That is what that makes something special. Else, what is special??
Sometimes some things look special, only after you see, you realize it was only made to look special. Or maybe you got so carried away into it that it seemed special to you. It was just plain. You looked at it in a different way and voila! it became special.
Trying to find out special meaning of life. But then there is no meaning to life. You have to give it. Nothing just drops in, not every time. Friends make your life special? Someone you love makes your life special? I’ve no answer to that. They are of course a part, but what is it that gives the illusion? A lovely illusion that makes me, you, and anyone feel special.
A person can have the ability to make believe you are special. You do. And you’re in heaven. If it is common, your heart breaks.
Special is unique. Special is passion. Special is love. Special is happiness. Special is feeling beautiful. Everything you do you love, makes it special for you. Anything you create you love or with love it is special.
Sometimes it’s good to be in an illusion of being made feel uniquely special. Gives some satisfaction and makes feel you are cared and of course loved and appreciated. Who wouldn’t want that? That illusion is good when it comes to “feel good” factor. But then at the same time have to play it safe, you don’t want to end up with heartbreak.
Your passion for anything shouldn’t be illusion though. It has to be genuinely special. After all you don’t always need someone to make you feel special. That someone can be yourself too.
Sometimes there is this unknown desire to avoid everyone’s company still at the same time wanting one specific company. And ironically, the same is unknown too. When decide to pick and call one, it’s just pushed away.
Sometimes there is this sudden desire to see; suddenly I become quiet and look at everyone, observe the surrounding. Just see. And then the same feeling of avoiding comes in. Wanting to stay in my dungeon again.
Sometimes there are some words bursting to come out; but what I hear is that soft guitar piece from a song. Those pieces are the words wanting to form into a poem unsuccessfully; resulting in sinking into “avoidance” mode; mode of wanting to be away from everything. I can’t take this as running away from things. Of that I’m sure.
I don’t have the patience to explain myself to people. I’ve given up on society. It doesn’t bother me. What irritates me is the questioning: “What happened? Why are you avoiding us?” I’m not doing it on purpose. Some things should be understood. And sometimes, you should just give space.
Me acting like this is definitely making me realize I’m distancing myself from people, putting even more strains on relations. But then this all has made me see who really my friends are. They know the real me to an extent and even after me behaving like this and hurting them, they are still there for me whenever I call. At least they do understand. A silent understanding.
There is no point in this particular thought. It’s one of those moments when the bubbles just want to escape.
Just that I really don’t need to give explanations to people who understand me and have accepted how I am. (I guess I don't need to give explanations to anyone at all!) This is the beauty. Attachment. Understanding. Caring. Some do know I distance myself wanting to be alone with my space, but then I do come back to them. Maybe I’m wrong. Only a few will know. Doesn’t matter anyway.
I need solitude. Sometimes there is this huge feeling of not seeing anyone’s face for few days, or even weeks. Not even talk. This is hard to understand why. It’s hard to understand by people that how a person can be alone! I guess one who questions this, is not comfortable in one’s own company. Insecure or too bothered about people thinking of them to be a looser...
Its all about being with the right person. Cannot judge someone so fast. Even a year is not enough, unless you can read minds to know what exactly they are thinking.
Met a person. Was perfect to my description. Like a jigsaw piece, it fit well. No big differences, similar likes. It was like we are like a team, but still different individual. Exactly like I wanted. But surprisingly there are no feelings. None at all. Cannot have it even if I try. I cannot force myself or give myself time to feel it. One mistake is enough to learn. Fools repeat a mistake twice. I cannot jump into something just because I "think" I do "feel" something; cos I am not!
This seriously surprised me. Maybe because I'm not ready yet, or maybe because I'll have to bend some un-bendable self rules; for which I'm inflexible.
Its just fine. It is perfect the way it is right now too. And I don't want to change it. There is no intention or need too. All that matters to me is that we are very good friends. There when one needs another. Not thinking twice before calling when one says, "I'm a li'l upset". But then again I wish I could read exactly what people are thinking.
Now I do have the description of exactly what I want. I know exactly what I want and what I'm looking for. I know my priorities too. This maybe the stopping element too. More than that, I just dont want it! :)
I know one thing for sure too: I'm very lucky. And I'm not alone. :)
(Noah to Allie when she meets him after 14 years of gap, and when she asks him what he remembers the most from the summer they spent together. This is how he describes his “All of it, and nothing in particular”)
“No, it’s not that. It’s not what you’re thinking. I was serious when I said ‘all of it’. I can remember every moment we were together, and in each of them there was something wonderful. I can’t really pick any one time that meant more than any other. The entire summer was perfect, the kind of summer everyone should have. How could I pick one moment over another?
Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That’s what it was like for me. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”
Noah’s vent when he’s old and his Allie is suffering from Alzheimer’s (this man has patience, and passionate, such men are non-existing)
“Dusk, I realized then, is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?
Looking back, I find it ironic that she chose to read the letter at the exact moment that question popped into my head. It is ironic, of course, because I know the answer now. I know what it’s like to be day and night now; always together, forever apart.”
Nicolas Spark is a good writer. I never thought any guy would think and write this beautifully over this topic called as “romance” or “love” whatever you call it. The best thing is, he keeps it simple, doesn’t dramatise it and at the same time, it does touch you. Unlike that of female authors; they dramatize a LOT! So much that you throw the book away.
These excerpts are from his novel The Notebook. The real feeling of these lines will be felt when you hear Noah tell his story to his Allie from the start of the book. It does sound uuggh kind, but then it is beautiful the way he writes. Two guys: Nicolas and Paulo. They did manage to make big impact on me after reading their novels. And one female: Ayn Rand.
After reading this book, though I am very happy being single, I did feel if I had someone around me to take care of me too. That is what I never got. And finding such kind of guy is like trying to land on sun. Such guys are only fictions. And such love too.
What I saw in this world, all around me is, they are only selfish. Be till you like, leave when you like. No patience. Take everything, and feel nothing. Wusses. Sad.
Still there is hope for the best. He does exists. Yet to meet. :)
