Thoughts...

This was said by a departmental guy to us when we went to Lalbagh..

"Listening is doubting
Seeing is believing
Doing is learning."

(Mom had asked bout wormi culture or something)

This one was put up on a board in a garden there,

"Discussion is exchange of knowledge
Argument is exchange of ignorance...
"

I forget the third line in that thought. It was good.

"Giving"

I never knew the art of giving. I like something, I keep it. I could never give it. I would get possessive over it. Be it a pretty red rose or my coin collection (even if I have an extra coin).

I barely knew that person. Just met in some class and was a "hi". The similarity in that friendship till then found was in stamp and coin collection. A week later was my birthday. I got a pretty gift from him. A pretty coin from Singapore. It had a flower on it and was made in the year 1989 (my birth year). A gesture hard to do when you barely know a person. The gesture of giving.

Accepting is easy. Accepting something from a person I mean. But giving is the toughest part. At least with me it is.

I remember an incidence. I was a little kiddo. I was with my parents in Nagpur, to see my sister in her college. After meeting her, we went out for some work. I loved roses. My parents got a rose for me. A pretty red rose. I was happy, smelling its scent. There were beggars around. Maybe they were the forced beggars, I say that cos they were kids. There was this girl, around my age. She saw me having that rose. She came to me, she asked for that rose. I dint want to give. My parents had got it for ME. She followed me. My mother said, give it. I didn't want to. Later I got so pissed with she following me around that I gave it off. I felt very bad. I had tears in my eyes and that girl was very happy and smiling. I complained to my mother that I had wanted it. But then after some time, I forgot it, I felt good that I gave it off to her. I felt better after that. But then, that incidence was still there in my mind, haunting me for my that behavior.

Then after a few years, I went off to Pune. There I was walking with my friend. I plucked some pretty small pink flowers. They smelt great. After the walk we went to her apartment and sat on a place outside, my fav hangout there. A small boy of maybe 6 years old, walked up to us. She said hello to him. I smiled at him. He gave back a shy smile. I remembered that incidence of mine. That smile of that girl. I, this time, without thinking much, held those flowers to him. He was shy, but he accepted it. The big grin he gave me later was awesome. It was cute and a happy one. I felt good. Good after giving something.

I got great happiness from that little boy's grin. I couldn't stop smiling that day. I gave that boy happiness by giving.

But then, that thing wasn't mine. Not something that I owned...

I did realize the importance of giving. But still today I wont be able to give what is owned by me. I cant do something like that friend of mine did. But then to do it, it is a big thing.

Innocence 2

Laugh out at everything. Keep your heart light. The more you are able to laugh at yourself, the problems, happier and simpler your life is.

Of course, dont just laugh at the problems and let it be. Try find a solution too!



Enjoy!





(PS: Click on the pictures for a better veiw
Cartoon source : www.gocomics.com)

Admit (Epilogue for The Return)

Calvin did wrong. He dint realize. Rather he dint admit it. Look at the beauty. Hobbes, his toy, how he makes him realize he was wrong, how Calvin admits it in his way. The kiddo way. Its so beautiful, the way kiddos can do it, in their innocent way. But we cant. We know everything, but EGO! We seem to have forgotten it.

Have a look at the cartoon strip



Laugh at the cartoon, but learn something too. Learning is a never ending process. Anything can be learnt from anywhere. Enjoy.

(PS:Click on the cartoon link for a better view
Comic Source: www.gocomics.com)

Life is so simple...

Life is so simple. Meaning, it all depends on your attitude, how you make ur life to be:

1. A disaster by decaying in a persisting problem
2. Simple, sweet and beautiful by moving with the change (Who moved my cheese) or by taking everything in a positive sense like this maybe 7-8 year old Calvin.

We can learn form this cartoon kid too... Read it properly. How he responds. Its a beautiful comic strip! The best till date!



And this one...

I'll title this part of my post as

"Never Give up!!"

They fail in their first attempt. Look at the way Calvin gives a solution to Hobbes. Even though he is hurt and fallen, he hasn't given up. This one is for me especially. Never give up your hopes... Try try try... Everything has a solution... We just need to stick our neck out and look out for options. Right?

The cartoon.. Have a look

So much to learn from kiddo's innocence. The decision they take is so beautiful. This explains my post Innocence too.

(PS: Click on the pic for a better veiw
Cartoon Source: www.gocomics.com)

Innocence

I read poems by supposedly great poets, talking bout the lost innocence they had in them, naturally as kids. There was this one particular poem I had in 12th (CBSE) where the poet talks how unreal and un-genuine people have become. I forget the name at present, but remember the wrong answer I had given to sir when questioned. I had answered the name of the poem when asked as “The Man with Many Faces”. The title was wrong, but it did suit the poem. The poem talked in length about how a person is in face to others and how he then behind their backs. How he forces a smile on his face even when he doesn’t want to; and so on.

The man and his different masks. I noticed it in myself, that I’m not the same with each and every person.” Me” varies as a person varies. That’s because, we’ve been taught to adjust. Adjust to changes. But this change? Change ourselves for others?

What do kids do? They don’t hide their exact emotions; they make it known; their happiness or sorrow, their pleasure or displeasure over something. They speak their minds out, in exact words. They don’t think of what a person is gonna think about him/her over his statement. They smile or laugh when they feel like, not forced. In short: they are frank, without intending to, because that’s natural in them. Because they are yet to be molded into AI’s like us. AI’s because we’ve been programmed to be the total opposite of what we were when we were kids. Programmed to be as what we are now. Unreal, that is what we are. Unreal even to ourselves. So unreal that we’ve forgotten what we really are.

I tried getting back that innocence. I started being frank. It was not accepted by people. I was tagged as rude, arrogant. I spoke my mind out, without any alteration in my words or emotions; I was tagged as callous, because it wasn’t accepted again... I was told I should mind my words, because my honesty had hurt people... The same behavior when exhibited by kids is found to be cute and appreciated and wondered, why isn’t so in grown ups too? And when seen in grown ups, they are tagged so as I was tagged. The sentence “Why isn’t it so in grown up too?” is forgotten then.

My friend said, I’m straight forward, but then it hurts people! It had hurt her. What the hell?? That sentence cancels out everything! Every bloody thing! What’s the point? How should u be then? Unreal? Speak for other’s pleasure.

Innocence will remain unfound, until this disease is not eradicated. It is lost. But then it’s right there, in the sparkling eyes of the kid; dropping from their mouth as words; in their actions. It’s right there in front of our eyes, we see it, but prefers to ignore it.

The Return...

Admit.Just this one word, makes everything simpler. The faster you admit, the better off you are. Why keep that ego, and say, "No! I know what I am. I am right!" Someone says something, you listen, analyze, and see... A friend of mine kept on telling me on orkut, I'm not what I think. Maybe I was mistaken somewhere. That I live for others. I thought not. I was adamant. Today I realized, this word "admit" made everything simpler. The realization was, that I did live for others and not myself. This was proved by my earlier act of deleting and destroying whatever I loved. This was not a self destruction. This was the destruction of what I loved the most. Thats because I thought, that it didn't deserve to be seen or touched or felt by people, because it was too precious to me... Precious enough . The best solution at time was destruction.

This "admit" thing made me wonder, What does it matter?? Why do I care?? and hence I made the return of my blog. This time not to be viewed by a person or two alone. But to be viewed by everyone.

Its good to have ego, but then sometimes its good to let it go, but just for a moment, if it does some good to yourself. The thought of 'me' should be prior. This will make me sound selfish. But then who isn't? And anyways, Who cares?

No one is perfect. And the one who says he's prefect is a bloody fool born on this earth! Gaining perfection is a never ending process... There is always a huge space to keep on improving you. Admitting helped me do this. Helped me become stronger than yesterday.

Everything is so simple. We the most advanced and complicated beings of the animal kingdom, have the habit of complicating everything. The irony.

And I thought I used to admit everything...
I can laugh on myself today!

Loose

April 4, 2008
Friday
Anaadyanta:Day 2
DJ nite

The most memoriable day of my life ever! Better that July 1. Have to apologise to someone for saying that! The day when I enjoyed to the maximum limit.. Till the limit itself got exhausted! Still could have exceeded it if the time permitted... That night was the DJ nite... Day 2 of my fest Anaadyanta.. Which means neither a beginning nor an end... It did stick to its name.. And it will be a day of sorrow when the fest ends at 9:30pm..

It all started slowly. The first awkward step. Step to try and free myself. Try and see my limits. I was more resistant. Because then I cared less bout myself. First mistake which I gradually overcame.

The First step: try and loosen
myself.

It started with a jump. Then raising my hands... Then singing along with the croud. And yelling my lungs out. The first step.
Then came a train. And I just joined them and was carrried along. With me were my friends, with Swapna holding my shoulders. Thus started the journey of my first step.

The Second step: I'm free

I started to loosen myself. DJ started playing the most loved songs.. with the most amazing music! The night rocked! With the breezing blowing softly in the basketball court (our dance floor!) after that soothing rain (NMIT tradition - Rains every year during the fest!! April and it rained!! So yea.. the tradition is carried on!!!)
We formed a circle and danced on.. Swapna had asked me to forget everything and enjoy. I did. But the time was ticking... But forgot it as quickly as I remembered it...

The Third step: Lost
Control!

The Third step:Lost Control!I could feel my heat! My heart was thumping.. pumping more and more blood to give me the energy which was wasted all these years... I was sweating and was all drenched in it! It was cool outside but not cool enough for me. I had already started leading the group along with another girl (the one who's laughter is like a donkey braying!)
I was loosing myself. I was all loose by now.. I was true to myself. The first time ever. I could see what all I could do, what all I could cross.
I moved on those steps which were forbidden for a good girl. I just couldn't stop myself. I was aware initially that guys are around, though separated for safety (some of them boozed!).. but then later I so lost control of myself that I said to hell with them. I wanted to explore how sensual I could be. I loved myself more than ever. I got back my self respect.

The Fourth step: I'm Beyond Control of
myself and others!

I was gasping for breath. My heart needed rest. Was pumping vigorously. I stopped right there on the floor. I couldn't stand. I was wobbling. I was out of my mind! I went over to where we had kept our bags. Swapna was there, along with Smitha. I could feel numbness all over me. I was talking what I felt. Without thinking what is right or wrong. Just like kids do. And they thought I had gone mad. And I loved being mad! Cos mad can speak anything they want to, cos in the end they WILL be called mad. So who cares?

I pulled them back on the floor. I was talking nonsense! Swapna was wondering if I'm fine. Just before the DJ nite I was crying. Crying over a half broken relationship, pathetic family life... I realised, how much I've to enjoy. I cant waste it. I attended the fest to forget everything and enjoy. That was my driving force. That made me take The First step...

I danced even more... I was feeling drunk and had started acting like one. By then, I was the hidden myself. The "she" I had felt before. The "she" who had wanted to break out of me. I had mentioned it to only one person till now. I'm proud of that "she". "She" is the strongest woman in me.
I got the kick without even letting a drop of alcohol touch my lips, without even snorting those drugs. I lost control on my own free will and experienced it the maximum extent...
I danced on such moves and with such feeling of drunken state that if my parents would have seen me, I would have been slapped hard by my dad..

The Fifth step: Content with life

All good things come to an end. The DJ ended the night.. Time to go back. I dint want to leave that. I was enjoying being the "she" in me. Swapna pulled me. I had to lean on her. I couldn't stand. I love her for bearing me. I was talking all shit.. Whatever came in my mind. Whatever I felt. My voice uncontrolled and Swapna askin me to calm down. But I was never ever so calm in my life! And never ever had so enjoyed my life!

I felt content for the first time. I had myself with me. I might not have that someone in a few months time, but I have me. I have my friends.

Just one night changed my life. I got back me..
I enjoyed walking back with Swapna, from the college grounds to the bus place. The breeze was still with me. Blowing in my ears and making me feel cool. Now it was cool enough for me...

Back home.. I slept with peace filling me, with a calm face. Exhaustion talking over me. I slept as soon as my head hit my pillows... Wont wait for such nights again.. but will try and make it happen!

"Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody what chu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me!"

That was exactly me when I was dancing.. Dancing like no one's watching..

Rebirth

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

"The man in the suit interrupted their conversation with a call for silence. He told everyone to concentrate on the rose and to empty their minds.

'The thoughts will come back, but try to push them to one side. You have two choices: To control your mind or to let your mind control you. You're already familiar with the latter experience, allowing yourself to be swept away by fears, neuroses, insecurity, for we all have self destruction tendencies.

'Don't confuse madness with a loss of control...
...
...'

'That's how it should be with you; stay mad, but behave like normal person. Run the risk of being different, but learn to do so without attracting attention. Concentrate on this flower and allow the real "I" to reveal itself'

'What is the real "I"' asked Veronica. Perhaps everyone else there knew, but what did it matter: she must learnt to care less bout everyone else.

The man seemed surprised by the itteruption, but he answered her question.

'It's what you are, not what others make of you.' "


A lovely part from "Veronica Decides to Die by Paulo Cohelo"..
It is very close to me. It was and is something I was trying to do since I was finishing my 10th and more prominently when I noticed the different me with different people in Pune. (except for the mad thingy.. I loved those parts! Would love to try and be mad when perfectly normal!)

A Dangerous game

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Blame game, the worst game ever played by humans. Its so easy to place the blame and not be responsible for it. Who wants extra responsibility?

Whatever we do in our life, let me go by, my life, I want to be responsible for it, me alone. I don't want to blame anyone. That is because I have done whatever I wanted.

Then I wont be binded to anyone. I don't want to be binded to anyone. If I get binded, I loose my individuality. My individuality is my uniqueness. I loose that, I loose myself.

I don't want to be dependent on anyone. On their time, on their approval, or whatsoever. I don't want to wait for people to be free and waste my time. My time is precious for me. That only I'll understand. That is because, I'm my own best friend. I've no one.

What do I do to prevent wasting my time? I give myself more importance from now on. I've to get this in my head straight that NO ONE GIVES A DAMN TO OTHERS. People always give themselves first preference, even the people you love, people you consider ur best friend. Only family is an exception. How can I forget that there is always an "I" before "you"?

There shouldn't be any regrets in my life. Thats what I want. Because, I read this quote..Never regret anything in your life, cos at that point in your life, you wanted that thing..

It will anyways feel so good that I'm responsible for whatever I've done. The success will be my alone and my failure my own. It will taste so sweet that I'll respect myself more than anyone else. I'll know a secret that no one else will have the fate to know it. I will be the happiest person on this earth, with no regrets. An ideal person. A person everyone tries hard to be...

I'll enjoy me being independent, me living my way, me shaping my life as I want it to be and being infinitely happy!

Life will be so sweet and even more beautiful. Its like a dream come true. What more can a peson ask for? Correction: Who cares bout others? What more can I ask for. Just that I've to work towards it.

Never Hurt Again!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

( read this very nice article on TOI. It was on how to deal when you are hurt. A nice piece. Very good advice. But VERY difficult to follow. And if we do follow it, life's heaven! (I'll post the article once I find it))

We've got hurt. Hurt so many times that we start loosing the count of it. It has become a part of our life and we have accepted it.When we are hurt we are in the most pessimistic state that we could never have believed. Believed that we would get so low and depressed that the thoughts of suicide come into the picture.

In that state of being just hurt, we tend to bring in the thoughts of when we were hurt before, whatever worst had ever happened to us, whatever had broken us down the most... It all gets mixed up and tends to flame us up to the worst level as ever and then starts the pessimism. And then the state of ending something beautiful and loosing so many precious time of being in the state of happiness!! So much is lost... (But no regrets! Should be free of that!)

The best thing to do then is when you are hurt bout something not to bring other negetive thoughts in our mind. We mix up two different situations of the same emotion, cos we tend to be like that when we're hurt. So next time someone hurts you, deal with that. Not to sit and cry over that problem and mix other things up! Think about what had happend with a cool head when you cool down.

Or the best thing is, just dont give any damn to it. Forget it. Its difficult I know. But then why waste tears over someone and wear our heart out?? In the end, we're always on our own. Born alone, dying alone. No one actually cares bout a person. No one. Everyone has "I" first then you. Very few people who dont have that thing in them.

So, next time when you are hurt, DONT mix up the emotion of something else with this feeling. If you react to that person's behavior, then that person has achieved what he want to get. Disturb your life.
After all its your life. You're the king of your own life. You rule it. It will be as you take it. You mould it. You give it life by breathing every second. Its simple if you keep everything simple or a pure torture!

(I've added my own things, but has a general idea of what that article wanted to convey.)

Once upon a time....

There was a time when
People had time for each other,
So did you and I..
There was a time when
People said they were there for each other,
But not so when required...

I'm so protected by everyone
But still so insecure...
I'm so loved by everyone
But still so unloved...
I'm so content with everything
But still so lost...

I say I'm my own best friend...
But my own warmth is not enough to keep me warm
To keep me sane...

My face so stiff
Because of the salty tears...
Forgot that this life of mine is for me alone...
To live and enjoy
Forgot that I'm free and un-binded...
But have bound myself around those I love
Living for others and forgot myself...

Life was so beautiful
So lovely cos of love
So hungry for knowledge
So free of chains
So like a flower
But it was all
Once upon a time...

A lovely story...

'Once a teacher brought a cocoon in a classroom filled with young children. The teacher kept that cocoon on the table and asked the children to watch the butterfly emerge out of the cocoon and she left the class for some work. Children watched the cocoon shake a bit... The butterfly was about to emerge...

It shook some more. The children were bit concerned. One child got up from his seat and helped the butterfly emerge from its cocoon by tearing open the cocoon. The butterfly came out of its cocoon. The weather was bright and sunny. The butterfly flapped its wings and it died after sometime. The children were shocked.

Later the teacher came in the class and saw the dead butterfly on her table. She asked the children what had happend. When the children narrated what had happend the teacher thus said, "You need to struggle a bit in your life to become stronger, to live."'


This was a story narranted to me and my college mates in my CAD class by our lecturer. People were too busy to listen to the lecturer.
I loved it so much that I blogged it down, in my words
What he ment to say was, not to take life easy. And not to expect it to be easy. We have to struggle and work hard to achieve success. Everything will look beautiful later... Just like that colourful butterfly which emerges out of its cocoon after struggling to get out.

Where art thou...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

In search of you since 2 months.. Where are you? How could you just leave me in an instant? You were so with me. You had brought a smile on my lips everytime for no reason... I never needed a reason to be with you... Had made my face and day so bright..
Where art thou?

With you nothing else matterd to me.. With you I was so content. With you everything was so right. With you I forgot my pains and suffering.
Where art thou?

You had overfilled my cup with joy, with laughter till my eyes were wet with the tears of joy... You had increased my intensity of feeling love, passion, enthusiasm, every positive emotions...
Everything was going on fine...
But where art thou now?

I let you go.. and you left me to never return.
I so want you back... So want to feel all of it again... I'm sorry that I let things come between you and I...
Where art thou?

I know you'll come back to me.. I just need to feel u... And when you do come back.. I promise not to let anything else come between us again...
So where art thou Happiness?