Something comforting about "back to normal". Like it always was.
What everyone craves for.
Made me feel good.
Rains and it's famous pleasant weather.
---..
Changes have their own perks.
I had one of the best walk back home today. It rained, and I walked back slowly, getting wet. Water dripping from my hair and me struggling to walk straight in those slippers. At one point I wished if I could share this walk with you. :)
Ever noticed the similarity between nature and our behavior? It is almost the same.
There is always a storm when a disaster befalls. Dark black clouds cut off the sun, blocking our thought process. Process of thinking rationally. Then there are thunders of words, flash of lightening anger...
When all this is happening, there is this soothing cool breeze; words of comfort from "friends".
Suddenly there the clouds clash, and down comes the tears of rain. It falls hard. Cries till tears dry out. Finally after some time, rain stops. The clouds start disappearing. Its sunny again. Thoughts are clear as the blue sky. Smiling like twinkling stars.
But then its like a closed loop. It will happen again. But there is this belief: it will work out, whatever it is.
Today: 30 March, 2010 Tuesday 10:18 PM (E, this is for u :) ) I surprised myself with how I really do enjoy the small things now.
It rained real hard today. The first drop of rain on my forehead, instantly made me smile bringing back all the memories.
The initial inhibitions. Wanting to do it, but killing the desire. Once the walls are broken, wonderful memories are made. One touch, reminded me of those memories.
Breaking those inhibitions made me realize how much I love rains.
Dressed in yellow, standing in the balcony, leaning on the railing and getting drenched in the rain. Smiling and enjoying it, just because someone had told me to try it... And it was worth!
Irritated-ly standing under one umbrella with my best friend when it was raining very hard. Just because she was stubborn and had a surprise in her head which I was totally unaware of it. She making me splish splash in the rain finally to see the shocked expression on my face. Her way of showing love.
It’s written on my face how I want to try it when I’m denying it, she reading it and pulling me out without my consent. Jumping in the puddle splashing the water around and giggling. Pure fun.
Riding on her bike and it suddenly starts raining. She refuses to stop when I ask her to park. And realizing then how much I actually enjoy it.
Calling up that someone special when it’s raining; just because I wanted to share that moment with that someone. A silent way of saying how much I love you.
It was beautiful. How easy it was to speak without inhibitions. Rain always gave that moment of breaking that wall. It does now too. Just that the walls are back again. Some things cannot be done as it was done before. Distances hurt.
It still is beautiful.
It just made me realize, clouds always have to go. Always. The sun always shines. We believe in it. I believe in it. There is no hoping here. I am yet to see if it is true in general issues too.
Finally, finally finally! Megha barsa, thodi rahat aai. Kadkti garmi mein, dil ko thandak pahunchi. (Even if for few mins :P)
Pardon my hindi. :)
Rain came, and along with it some new hope. Rain came, and along with it the change of wind. A renewed strength. It finally rained, washing away my doubts with it.
The sound of rain brought a smile on my lips. For how long I was dying for this! The breeze of hope, telling me not to give up; not yet.
It brought a change of mood. A change of atmosphere. A change in energy.
Every day I got up cursing her, and today I noticed her, and god, she is beautiful. Every time I traveled, there would be some music filling my ears, and my eyes would be shut, or looking down at the road. Few weeks back, I looked up.Today I actually saw her, and this time music was some background sound, and I got attached to her. She is awesome.
I learnt a lot here. I cursed, but still I learnt.
I came out of an illusion. Illusion called love. I must have forced myself to believe in it. And later I "thought" I felt it. She reminded me, and asked me, "What was it that you always believed in?"
I listened to someone, and went ahead. It had to fail. And for the first time I'm happy it failed! I'm free of my pact.
When in love, I was changed. My ideas where almost forced to change. I was "made" to believe in things I didn't. By made I was not forced, but made believe that those ideas ARE right. I forgot mine.
And then now I asked, "What was it that I always believed in?"
I know things will work fine now. I know what I really want. I know my challenges, and I know my goals.
Its not that I learnt nothing out of it. I learnt how to be ruthless. Its needed if I have to survive.
She made me see how far I can go to get what I really want. I just have to see how far I can push myself to get it. :) She made me really see how ambitious I can be. And I was myself surprised. I no more see a big "?" anymore.
Though I hated some of her "children". They would be interested in others lives than their own. It was irritating. I suffered cos of that. But then I saw, few select "typical" ones were like that. I met the best of people here too. And those who didn't even know me, were ready to help me. This is best here. People do help.
I wold get irritated initially when I wouldn't understand when her people would speak in Kannada. I would ask them to speak in English/Hindi. They would just smile and continue in Kannada. Now I know why. That is to make me learn. And some of them really help me out with it. If not speak, I can understand bits of it. :) That's the way some people indirectly try to help.
Her curly scripts I can't read all. I read it slow. But still I love trying to read it, and then read the English version below and smile when I'm correct. She makes me want to learn her script sometimes.
Then comes to calling it the garden city. I talked ruff about this part. It was cos I never saw up. Today I saw it and I fell in love with some areas. Say for example R T Nagar. I've come to love the colour green cos of her. Its lovely to see a tree on the side of the road, and some yellow flowers fallen around it. Looks gorgeous!
Only flaw is, its too polluted! Gives me a running nose! And another biggest flaw is smokers! There is no place where you wont find smokers! I can make an exception: Lalbagh! Its beautiful there!
The weather is so so awesome here that it makes her look even more beautiful and fresh. Especially after it has rained, and when it is still cloudy. Though the sunny sun burns my skin as if there is think ozone layer here!
I live in north Bangalore. I can go all the way down to south Bangalore alone. Myself. She made me confident. She has awesome bus service! :D I love her for that! (Though I'm still uncomfortable waiting in a crowded place :( )
She has made me love my own company again. I'm comfortable with myself now. I joined my college because I loved the peaceful air there, especially in the park. I can now go there and sit by my myself with a book in my favorite spot there. Its one particular bench, surrounded by trees. And some birds chirping with some soft breeze. And some monkeys jumping sometimes on the trees :D
I was unable to walk alone with the sound. I had to listen to music when I walk. Yesterday I could walk without any music. I walked with the sound of rain splattering on my umbrella.
I enjoy walking looking at the sky and her trees. Its lovely.
I'm falling so much in love with her, that I guess I'm getting attached to her. I might find it difficult to leave. Maybe I wont leave. :) She has taught me so much, and helped me build so much.
She's not so bad after all! All I had to do was, give her a chance. :)
It was late. We had to hurry to the bus stop. It was drizzling lightly, slowly increasing its intensity. I said, "Lets hurry, I don't want to get wet!"
There was no point in hurrying cos I was in chappals (girly ones :D) and I was slowing us down (I am not used to walking in them). I was constantly slipping cos of the water. :) Initially it irritated me. Then I laughed. I was already half wet. My friend was half irritated. I laughed more. It was raining. And I remembered,"I always loved to walk in rain and get wet". I still loved it. And I slowed down bit more. (To add to her irritations :D )
I enjoyed the rain. I enjoyed it falling on my cheeks again. The bus wont run away. There was still some time. I saw a small puddle and I stamped hard. Splash! She gave out a laugh too. (My chappal had come out too :D) My black jeans was pale brown below.
Then hurrying to the bus (me) half falling. Getting in and getting a weird stare from my math lecturer (I saw her first when I got in :D). I guess I didn't seem that kinda girl to her :)
Hair wet, water dripping. Jeans half wet, shirt wet. Shivering a bit cos I felt the air was cold and the longing for my blanket. And I was smiling. The same air, and the same feeling of belonging. The same trees and the same atmosphere. It smelled the same too.. The same old feeling.. It rained and I had my walk. A long urge finally fulfilled. Would have loved to have a walk a few specific people though, enjoying sharing a perk or walking with our hands around each others shoulders or waist, would have made my day even more better. But still, I enjoyed. :)
Oh the good old days! I just love rains! Don't have the same people around me, but I had the air back. And I felt loved. :)
