Pseudo congratulations

To the girl who was getting teased :D
A quick lovey dovey doodle :P

---..

Exhausting Truth

All of it was a lie.
---..

My Generation's Theory

On value and relationships:

When it gets old, ditch it.
When there is a problem, dump it.

---..

Confused(?) Pondering

How do I know if I'm in love with the person or in love with the idea of the person? Or is it just the comfort?
Probably I just took one step back. (?)

---..

Fly

A bird he is, meant to be free, soar high in the air and fly. Took a long sweet shelter under the tree, when it rained all night. Morning came along with the rain, caged in home he sighed. The days went by, the leaves now dried, autumn it was not spring. The last leaf fell with a gentle sway, the sun shined bright in his eyes. Time flew by, he never realized he missed being up in air. Hopped on his feet looking at skies, “fly how should I?” he asked in vain.

Distant memories of flying with wind, high up with a merry song. Flapped his wing, which he thought he had forgotten was there in him all along.

You my dear bird, born with free soul, what have you seem to forgotten? A hasty end to a beautiful beginning, is that what you want?

Open your wings wide, flap them now, let all your fears fall aside. Take a deep breath, and fall in the air, let happiness fly with you this time.

Something I wrote for someone intentionally without that person asking me, many months back.

---..

Share

 Loved I am and loved so much that I feel lucky. Very lucky. But still, at times there is this void, some kind of emptiness, like there is a missing piece. Or a piece which was there, right in front of me and I missed it. Or maybe something that I had already and I lost it...

A want to share. A special someone. To share my happiness, my thoughts and ideas. Indifferent to pain. A hug, anytime without any reason. Or maybe like an unspoken support. No questions on it. To swoop me off my feet and twirl around when happy. A spark in every touch, in every look. A fluttering beat when smiles, every time.  A warm feeling of home when hugged.  A special someone. And the want to share with that someone...

A want to love. A want to give. There is enormous capacity to love. But scared to smother with love. And in turn scared to express it. Finally, scared that it won’t be shown at all. A misunderstanding. What is the right amount? If love is infinite, grows infinitely, is there a limit to love?

A hope. A beautiful faith. A want to say, and be heard. The dream to meet. The dream of a chance , before its broken into millions of pieces and blown away, before the hand is placed in someone else’s. An unbearable pain; which will be dealt with, somehow. But there always be a tear, which might eventually dry out. But not the thought of what could be.

To live in the present is what should be done is said. But when the chance is snatched, the thought inevitably comes in; what could be?

---..

To You...

 My heart sings it, it wants say: I'm  yours, and yours till today. Today is present, and my present is you. Whatever happens, I want to be with you. To hold your hand, and walk on beach. A silent company, sky turning orange. Look in my eyes, it says it all. I love you now, I'm all yours.

Leaning on a tree in the park, casual day and we dream together. Together we build, a plan, our life. As distant as the dream it seems, a will kept alive by the passion to gain. I have you, what more do I need? You are my pillar. My strength. My angel. With you my love, there is nothing I can't win.

A touch of support. eyes full of patience as I try. Fail I might at times, but you are there with that smile as I am for you. That's all I want.

A kiss in the rain, a slow dance. Sleeping on the grass, watching the stars; running my fingers in your thick black hair. A smile on my lips, you watch  me sleep. When the morning rays shine on the dew, the sparke will make me think of you. Hugging me tight, feeling your breath on my neck, Makinng my heart sing like tinkling bells..

Tinkling with joy when I hear your laughter, tickling you more till you surrender. A kiss on your nose, to wish you good day.

Frown on your lips makes my heart melt. A kiss on your lips to make it all well. A hot mug of coca shared sitting in a blanket, watching it rain with a smile on our lips. They are the raindrops of happiness and love for you and me.

---..

Passion

Sometimes feelings are so fierce that the person who is getting it from me will either love it or stay away from me. It is so fierce that it overtakes me. Possess me. It’s as if nothing can stop me then.  It’s as if I cannot be this passionate about anything else.

If I say I want it, I have to have it. If I say I will do it, I mean it. If I say it is only mine, it is only mine; I can’t share that with anyone. I say it such ferociousness that no one will dare mess with me. This is how passion is?

Sometimes it blinds me so much, that I might suffocate a person. Protective and possessive. Which is bad. Sometimes it blinds me so much, that I suffocate myself. Like I'm not me. Like something has come over me. Like different eyes, you'll never recognize.

So much is the passion, that I scare myself. Its as if I never knew I could be this passionate. Its as I never knew I can love to this extent. As if I never knew I could get this jealous. In short I never knew I could feel so much.

Person talking to me then, can sense my ferociousness. So much that they can feel it arise in them, their own passion or get scared of me and want to run away...

Just when I think, I’m devoid of feelings and passion, something or some talks reminds me of it, I feel it more than anyone else around me.

Fiercely.

---..

In the fields of gold...

I stand in front of a door, waiting for you to come out. 

I travelled all the way from somewhere to just be with you.  I flew on an aeroplane, trying to fix its broken wings.  Holding its wings; not wanting to crash. Pieces still somehow fall apart and fall into my open hands. I land somehow, wounds somehow healed. Now I stand in front of a door, waiting for it to open and you to walk out.

I hallucinate waiting for you. I see your smiling lips, your twinkling eyes, telling me to hold on. I wait and the doors open. I see you step out. The grasses have grown. The blades are golden. I’ve been standing so long, I fear walking into dust.  You pause and smile at me. You look at me, and take a step forward; I stand still, still afraid to move.

You outstretch your hands, asking me to come to you. I take a tiny step, you smile.  The music plays. Piano. The music I always related to you. You hold my hand; we walk together into the fields of gold. Longest golden blades of grass ever seen. Little green blades sprouting besides them.  You dance, asking me to join you. You lead, I stand watching you.

 There is no sign of distance in your eyes. Why am I feeling it then? I stand looking at you. Was it the time?

My eyes are distant. My thoughts are distant. You become distant. You start disappearing. But I had just found you.  You had held my hand, I had let it go. I stretch my arms, not wanting you to go. How simple are you?

It was love that had attached us, not the time. What has time spent apart, waiting, to do with love? I had made a vow, never to do the same again. Love grows in time. Love is infinite.

You turn back. Same smile, same twinkle that had made my heart quiver.  It quivers again.  I see following your lead in the dance. I see you there.

When you turn around and are about to hold my outstretched hands,  my dream breaks yet again.

Answering the "Why?"

It might be insignificant and not important at this moment. All I know is it gave me some peace, to some extent and helped me understand me better. It will be the same with everyone else too. Just that they won’t be realizing it. No one will be having the patience to stop and think for a while and ask, “Why?”

It did agitate me for many days. “Why?” The change. The behaviour. The distancing. The happiness. The everything. It’s beautiful, the human mind. How it works. I guess the quote was right, “Reality is an illusion”. Illusion because I really didn’t see what I was doing. “Why?” Now I know why.

Its subconscious mind’s game. It’s my own mind’s game.

Something disastrous happens. Obviously it’s not wanted. First thing the mind tries to do is, “refuse”. Refuse to accept it. Refuse to believe it happened. But then some time later, it sets in. And the next thing that mind tires to do is, “block”. Block everything. Every feeling, negativity. Everything that has to do with the disaster. Memories are blocked. There is a slow change in character. Some become passive. Some become tough.

The one who become tough act like nothing had ever happened and they have moved on with their lives. They act as if nothing is stopping them. Nothing actually can. And in actual reality, nothing really can stop them. They refuse to listen to complains. They refuse to go down. They become insensitive to people around them. Insensitive to anything about them. They just don’t care. Distances created. Act indifferent to everything. What they don’t realize is that this is what they are trying to do with themselves to get over the disaster. They are being tough on themselves, not others. They are being insensitive to themselves, not others. That is because they want to go ahead. An attempt to try make themselves strong. Their behaviour is nothing but a reflection on how they actually want their mind to be. What they actually want to be. Just that its not realized. When the question, “why” is put up, then starts the torture to understand. It takes up lot of time. Time is wasted in the process, but then there is some mental peace later. And some more understanding of self. That’s when you will be comfortable with self.

The one who become passive maybe they just go into depression. They are in constant denial. Constant hope that it never really  happened. Constant hope that it will be fine. Maybe be just praying to god, hoping their prayers will be answered when they fail to realize that it’s just them who have to do something.

There is no one but you yourself to say, “Everything will be all right. Trust me”. You are your own motivation.

Sure, distances are created. There is some loneliness because of this indifference and whatever behavior. But then, “Everything will be all right. Trust me.”

---..

Knowing it Clear

Its all about being with the right person. Cannot judge someone so fast. Even a year is not enough, unless you can read minds to know what exactly they are thinking.

Met a person. Was perfect to my description. Like a jigsaw piece, it fit well. No big differences, similar likes. It was like we are like a team, but still different individual. Exactly like I wanted. But surprisingly there are no feelings. None at all. Cannot have it even if I try. I cannot force myself or give myself time to feel it. One mistake is enough to learn. Fools repeat a mistake twice. I cannot jump into something just because I "think" I do "feel" something; cos I am not!

This seriously surprised me. Maybe because I'm not ready yet, or maybe because I'll have to bend some un-bendable self rules; for which I'm inflexible.

Its just fine. It is perfect the way it is right now too. And I don't want to change it. There is no intention or need too. All that matters to me is that we are very good friends. There when one needs another. Not thinking twice before calling when one says, "I'm a li'l upset". But then again I wish I could read exactly what people are thinking.

Now I do have the description of exactly what I want. I know exactly what I want and what I'm looking for. I know my priorities too. This maybe the stopping element too. More than that, I just dont want it! :)

I know one thing for sure too: I'm very lucky. And I'm not alone. :)

The Notebook..

(Noah to Allie when she meets him after 14 years of gap, and when she asks him what he remembers the most from the summer they spent together. This is how he describes his “All of it, and nothing in particular”)

“No, it’s not that. It’s not what you’re thinking. I was serious when I said ‘all of it’. I can remember every moment we were together, and in each of them there was something wonderful. I can’t really pick any one time that meant more than any other. The entire summer was perfect, the kind of summer everyone should have. How could I pick one moment over another?

Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That’s what it was like for me. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”

 Noah’s vent when he’s old and his Allie is suffering from Alzheimer’s (this man has patience, and passionate, such men are non-existing)

“Dusk, I realized then, is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?

Looking back, I find it ironic that she chose to read the letter at the exact moment that question popped into my head. It is ironic, of course, because I know the answer now. I know what it’s like to be day and night now; always together, forever apart.”

Nicolas Spark is a good writer. I never thought any guy would think and write this beautifully over this topic called as “romance” or “love” whatever you call it. The best thing is, he keeps it simple, doesn’t dramatise it and at the same time, it does touch you. Unlike that of female authors; they dramatize a LOT! So much that you throw the book away.

These excerpts are from his novel The Notebook. The real feeling of these lines will be felt when you hear Noah tell his story to his Allie from the start of the book. It does sound uuggh kind, but then it is beautiful the way he writes. Two guys: Nicolas and Paulo. They did manage to make big impact on me after reading their novels. And one female: Ayn Rand.

After reading this book, though I am very happy being single, I did feel if I had someone around me to take care of me too. That is what I never got. And finding such kind of guy is like trying to land on sun. Such guys are only fictions. And such love too.

What I saw in this world, all around me is, they are only selfish. Be till you like, leave when you like. No patience. Take everything, and feel nothing. Wusses. Sad.

Still there is hope for the best. He does exists. Yet to meet. :)

All smiles :)

I'm in love. With myself and life. Its so beautiful. So very sweet, like it should be. Perfect, everything is. Something or the other comes in, but then I do know what to give what importance. Isn't this beautiful part about this journey? "Learning"

I'm suddenly so out of one environment that I'm so happy, but at the same time scared that one colour of some old picture can pull me back. But then that's what strength is: resisting unwanted. Life is a choice. Says it all, ain't it?

I know 'm in love cos I sing more often, I laugh more often. Dance on every tune I like. I smile for no reason while walking alone. Mornings are chirpy and I find beauty in everything. As if there is nothing to hate or dislike at all! There is this infinite bubbling energy. Even the winter cant freeze me. Its so lovely that I'll find beauty in freezing too :) There is a way to everything and a surety that nothing sad lasts for long.

There is calm and peace and a very bright light.

Everything has to be extremes. Everything. This is another beauty of life and me. Everything is just so awesome and so perfect. Everything is beautiful. :)

All smiles, reaching my eyes. Beautiful. :D

Strength

Its like putting on that armor, standing right in the between the battle field, a sword protecting the heart. Its like standing firm, with solid metal around with mirrors in front; facing whatever comes. Whatever it is, it will reflect back whatever comes, leaving me unharmed.

There is strong aura around. You feel it emerging from me, like the brilliant rays of the sun. Too bright for you to see and too easy to feel.

I'm the black hole for pessimism.

Once I believe in it totally, there is no stopping. This is the beauty of strength. And strength gives determination.

I radiate bubbling optimism, full of energy. You can soak into it and pick it oozing from me, like the heat from the sun.

Too bright and beautiful. Too strong and powerful.

This is my strength.

Bathroom Thoughts

Today: 19th December, 2009
Saturday
12:47 am


It is a wonderful feeling. It had made me feel all warm and special. Feeling of being in love.

Now I stand out of it, and I realized how much I had grown into it. Something about it becomes so comfortable that I had forgotten my individualism. It was we. It was lovely being we, but I and you were lost.

The reason why we fall for each other is because of ‘you’ and ‘I’. And it somehow gets lost. There are no adjustments or compromises, but still it becomes so comfortable that I had stopped many things unconsciously.

Another theory (bathroom theory) I thought of was, I would love to be with someone with whom it will be ‘we’ but at the same time there will be ‘you’ and ‘I’. Meaning, every day will be like our first day together, discovering something or the other about each other or about anything, and still growing close. The need or want will be there, not dependency; but a support.

I started thinking more, discovered so many things about myself that I enjoy that I scare myself of fooling myself. I did move forward, reduced the whining. I became an individual again. It’s like discovering me again. Just that there is no one to share this happiness, excitement with. There are friends, but its not the same.

I want exactly this. Still strongly being an individual when its “we”. You are there to hug not needing a reason. You are there to share my happiness because you understand it the best. You are there. My complains are for me to see. You are there to support when I’m about to fall. You are there, because you love me. But I’m still an individual. I love you, and I’m there too. But you are still an individual.

Maybe like an emotional support? I don’t know, it has to be much more than that...

Love is wonderful. It has to be; it had made me smile. I have no idea if I should control here or let it just flow? Its complex or maybe I’m thinking too much. I really don’t know when I should put a full stop to my thoughts. This, I have to learn to control too. Everything under control? Freak!

In nutshell, all I want is to be in love. But in such a way that it is “we” but still being ‘you’ and ‘I’. I still want to love ‘I’ as much as I will love ‘you’. I still want to keep ‘me’, think individually, sharing thoughts openly, talking everything unimportant and important, and surprising each other every day. Every day will be like first day, discovering ‘you’ and ‘I’, but still will be very close. There will be no need to speak every time, will be comfortable even in silence. It just will be simple and at the same time beautiful. Too difficult to explain but easy to show.

I’m asking too much!

More than that, it must be sounding absurd!

A Walk to Remember

First love is real hard to forget if it was real. Feelings that is. Might feel now and then that it was kiddish, but then it had to be intense too, that's why maybe it becomes difficult to forget.. First love is first love. Special. First love need not be defined as "the first person you fell in love with". In my definition, it is when you first truly fell in love with.

I am not a religious kind of person. Not the kind who would read Bible or Bhagwadgita. Spiritual, maybe yes, still have to explore that. But then this one part from Bible moved me, even though I wrote a sarcastic poem on it or make cynic comments; but actually it does mean something in the end.

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

There may or may not be someone. But I do dream of someone. Someone special. Difficult to forget sometimes yes, but then there is something called as faith. And hope. Sounds eugh kind, but then deep inside, everyone holds on to that; sometimes.

I was reading A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks. A wonderful movie too. Different from book, but holds its essence. I could never understand why it was called "A Walk to Remember", until I read the book. I type my favorite scenes from the book: (It moved me and gave me goosebumps.. Some book!! Felt this after a long time! )

Eastern North Carolina is a beautiful and special part of the country, blessed with temperate weather and, for the most part, wonderful geography. Nowhere is this more evident that Bogue Banks, an island right off the coast, near the place we grew up. Twenty-four miles long and nearly a mile wide, this island is a fluke of nature, running from east to west, hugging the coastline a half mile offshore.

Those who live there can witness spectacular sunrises and sunsets every day of the year, both taking place over the expanse of the mighty Atlantic Ocean.

Jamie was bundled up heavily, standing beside me on the edge of the Iron Streamer Pier as this perfect southern evening descended. I pointed off into the distance and told her to wait. I could see our breaths, two of hers to every one of mine. I had to support Jamie as we stood there- she seemed lighter than the leaves of a tree that had fallen in autumn - but I knew that it would be worth it.


In time the glowing, cratered moon began its seeming rise from the sea, casting a prism of light across the slowly darkening water, splitting itself into a thousand different parts, each more beautiful than the last. At exactly the same moment, the sun was meeting the horizon in the opposite direction, turning the sky red and orange and yellow, as if heaven above had suddenly opened its gates and let all its beauty escape its holy confines. The ocean turned golden silver as the shifting colors reflected off it, waters rippling and sparkling with the changing light, the vision glorious, almost like the beginning of time. The sun continued to lower itself, casting its glow as far as the eye could see, before finally, slowly, vanishing beneath the waves. The moon continued its slow drift upward, shimmering as it turned a thousand different shades of yellow, each paler than the last, before finally becoming the color of the stars.

Jamie watched all this in silence, my arm tight around her, her breathing shallow and weak. As the sky was finally turning to black and the first twinkling lights began to appear in the distant southern sky, I took her in my arms. I gently kissed both her cheeks and then, finally, her lips.

“That”, I said, “is exactly how I feel about you.”

The second favorite part was this one:

“I’m proud of you, son”
I nodded. “I’m proud of you, too, Dad.”
It was the first time I’d ever said those words to him.

My mom was in the front row, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief when the “Wedding March” began. The doors opened and I saw Jamie, seated in her wheelchair, a nurse by her side. With all the strength she had left, Jamie stood shakily as her father supported her. Then Jamie and Hegbert slowly made their way down the aisle, while everyone in the church sat silently in wonder. Halfway down the aisle, Jamie suddenly seemed to tire, and they stopped while she caught her breath. Her eyes closed, and for a moment I didn’t think she could go on. I know that no more than ten of twelve seconds elapsed, but it seemed much longer, and finally she nodded slightly. With that, Jamie and Hegbert started moving again, and I felt my heart surge with pride.

It was, I remembered thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make.

In every way, a walk to remember.

The nurse had rolled the wheelchair up front as Jamie and her father made their way toward me. When she finally reached my side, there were gasps of joy and everyone spontaneously began to clap. The nurse rolled the wheelchair into position, and Jamie sat down again, spent. With a smile I lowered myself to my knees so that I would be level with her.
My father did the same.

Hegbert, after kissing Jamie on the cheek, retrieved his bible in order to being the ceremony. All business now, he seemed to have abandoned his role as Jaime’s father to something more distant, where he could keep his emotions in check. Yet I could see him struggling as he stood before us. He perched his glasses on his nose and opened the bible, then looked at Jamie and me. Hegbert towered over us, and I could tell that he hadn’t anticipated our being so much lower. For a moment he stood before us, almost confused, then surprisingly decided to kneel as well Jamie smiled an reached for his free hand, then reached for mine, linking us together.

…

And finally the end:

It is now forty years later, and I can still remember everything from that day. I maby be older and wiser, I may have lived another life since then, but I know that when my time eventually comes, the memories of that day will be the final images that float through my mind. I still love her, you see, I’ve never removed my ring. In all these years I’ve never felt the desire to do so.
...


This is what I meant by intense. She didn’t ask him to do anything. Nor did he do it for her. It’s just how they felt. Intense and natural. Love never dies, and it never fades. Love is patient. If it was not, then that was not love at all. Love never gets tired or sick of anything about a person. It’s the beauty of the person and the essence you fell for. You know the person so well that one mess about him/her won’t shake your feelings. That intense. It sure is exciting in the beginning and if you think that was love, then you never were in love. Love is constant. Exponentially grows. Its excitement is not to be compared to the excitement a kid has for a new toy. That excitement fades. And love is always not about excitement.

This can be felt in various ways. A very very strong feeling. A happy one too.

"Love is like the wind. I cannot see it, but feel it"
This does keep my faith alive.

That is how exactly it is. Beautiful and wonderful.
I dedicate the song "Only Hope" to that someone. Lovely song. :)

Only Love is Real...

Silent walk in a sunny field
Things unsaid
But love was real

Time flew by
Love was known
Some things were
Still unknown

Years passed by
Love still strong
They walked on
Hand in hand

Piled up were
Unsaid things
And they thought
Only love is real

Little did they know
The time was up
Everything was breaking up
How strong love was
They had to see
Unsaid was still locked with no key

To break the lock
Or let it go
In the end one just
Let it go

On tired hard
Other backed off
Their love was lost in a trunk
Reasons given to kill it
One cried hard
Other shrugged

Days passed by
And they met
Decision was regretted
But it was way too late
And one realized

Only love is real.

I, Love...

Today: 11 September, 2009
Thursday
12:10 AM

I want to be in love not a relationship. Love is free, like a spirit. When in love why want to give it a name when you can just enjoy being in love and enjoy each other’s company, be there for each other, support each other, talk everything out to each other and just love each other. Everything is simple and understood between us. We’ll be in present and take future as it comes (Though sometimes we will love to plan for it : ) ). Nothing else matters. It is pure, beautiful and free. To hell with the world.

I enjoy being in love. That love need not be for that ‘special’ person. I enjoy loving things I love. (I realized that better today.) I love FAFL classes and Networks as a subject. I love logics and maths in theory. I love computers and I love my branch. I love to work when I am working on something I am passionate about. I love my passion and my will to do it. I love my determination. I love my strength. I love me.

I love my best buds. I love every morning and I love looking at the stars. I love to get lost in the things I love doing. I love my life and I love the chances and the probabilities. I love to learn.

I love my blanket and I love my soft toys. I love the little things around me. I love to observe and I love rains. I love philosophy. I love psychology.

I love to love. I love to smile. I love to laugh and I love being happy. I love being alive and so love it being in love! I love being me. I just love me! Muah!! : )

I’m so happy!

Today's quote here:You cannot love a thing without wanting to fight for it.
Gilbert Chesterton (1874-1936)

A walk in the rain :)

It was late. We had to hurry to the bus stop. It was drizzling lightly, slowly increasing its intensity. I said, "Lets hurry, I don't want to get wet!"

There was no point in hurrying cos I was in chappals (girly ones :D) and I was slowing us down (I am not used to walking in them). I was constantly slipping cos of the water. :) Initially it irritated me. Then I laughed. I was already half wet. My friend was half irritated. I laughed more. It was raining. And I remembered,"I always loved to walk in rain and get wet". I still loved it. And I slowed down bit more. (To add to her irritations :D )

I enjoyed the rain. I enjoyed it falling on my cheeks again. The bus wont run away. There was still some time. I saw a small puddle and I stamped hard. Splash! She gave out a laugh too. (My chappal had come out too :D) My black jeans was pale brown below.

Then hurrying to the bus (me) half falling. Getting in and getting a weird stare from my math lecturer (I saw her first when I got in :D). I guess I didn't seem that kinda girl to her :)

Hair wet, water dripping. Jeans half wet, shirt wet. Shivering a bit cos I felt the air was cold and the longing for my blanket. And I was smiling. The same air, and the same feeling of belonging. The same trees and the same atmosphere. It smelled the same too.. The same old feeling.. It rained and I had my walk. A long urge finally fulfilled. Would have loved to have a walk a few specific people though, enjoying sharing a perk or walking with our hands around each others shoulders or waist, would have made my day even more better. But still, I enjoyed. :)

Oh the good old days! I just love rains! Don't have the same people around me, but I had the air back. And I felt loved. :)

Home

Just when I thought its over, my life had just begun. I was surprised with myself. Very much surprised. There is still so much to do, and so much to see. I still have to decide where I'm gonna be.

I never understood that happiness, that why my hostel-lite friends used to get so excitedly happy when they were to go home. I never understood their anxiety. Then I realized, I won't understand anything until I don't experience it. And I did. And its wonderful.

Its like I had forgotten myself. I had forgotten how to dance, how to smile and how to laugh. I was so lost in this world that I completely forgot my real self. I had given myself up to things, people. I forgot to see myself. And then it happened.

I flew back home. I placed my first step there and everything came flooding back. Everything seemed so simple again. I couldn't help smiling at people. Strangers they were, and they smiled back. I learnt how to smile again. A real smile. :)

Driving back home I saw trees and I felt peace. It feels nice when you get to feel the same old air.. I felt fresh after so long!

Life is so beautiful. Ironically I felt it when I was about to give up! I'm falling in love all over again. I'm falling in love with my life. I'm feeling so light hearted. I have to thank MJ. Man he took so much pains (and hell it costed him a lot) to make me understand all this! Thanks dude :) I couldn't have done it without you.

All he said was, "Try you fool! Didn't you understand what I was saying? Keep trying you chicken meat! Never give up!" I was too drowned in depression to "really" understand what I was doing to myself.

But then I also learnt, sometimes its best to give up on somethings, so that I can move on with my life. So that I can save my energies and put is somewhere I ought to put it. I have so little time and so much to do.

All I needed was a break. Now I understand why my friends get so happy when they say "home". Its cos you go back to a place where you feel at peace. You get that feeling of belonging.

Its like that dialogue in Kung fu Panda, "You cant think when your mind is agitated, once calm you can see solution to anything" (I don't remember the exact words :D)

I've big plans. I just hope I don't leave it halfway and jump to something else (MJ are u listening?? Keep bothering me then pls ;) )

Sigh!! I'm in love again. He's there right around the corner.

I never knew, I am so special.