I can

It was past midnight. She ought to have been asleep. The breeze blew for her and crickets sang to her as lullaby. It disturbed her and she lay awake thinking, "Why?"

She must have been in 3rd grade, when her teachers kept a reciting competition. It was no big deal for her. She was a kid. She chose one of her favourite poem. When her turn came, she looked at her classmates. Some were making faces, some were plugging their ears. But she sang with no fear in hear heart. She sang, "Three little kittens, they lost their mittens, and they began to cry. Oh mother dear, come here come here, for we have lost our mittens.. Lost your mittens you naughty kittens, and you shall have no pie. Miaow, Miaow, we shall have no pie...." She sang with a smile, she enjoyed when she sang.. She subconsciously knew she can, she did it and she won the competition.

Now, why? Now, when asked to present a paper, she shivered. There were many what ifs, and but ifs in her head. She did enjoy the theme yes, but still the fear held her back. Where is that feeling missing? There was no stage fright before. Why was it such a big deal now?

Why did she need the boost from her friends of, "You can do it! Just do it!" ? Why? Why uncertain about herself? She knew she is independent. Still, didn't the wanting of the boost make her dependent? Why suddenly the need?

Then it struck to her. The "I can" was missing. Her friends were saying the same, "You can!" Only she didn't say it to herself. She realized, when a kid she always stood on the stage with "I can" in her mind and she always believed it. Now, she would stand with, "Can I?"

And she smiled when she thought, "lessons to be learnt from childhood". It was so simple. It was just to do it, with no complications in her head. No if's and no but's. Just do it.

She wispered, "I can" and drifted off to sleep.

The Fruit of Endeavor

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. He used to sneak into a garden, climb the mango tree, and pluck some mangoes. The gardener would notice it and run after the boy with a stick in his hand. The boy would shriek and giggle with joy while he ran to save his arse. Once he would out run the old gardener, he would sit, panting. Once normal, he would enjoy and eat his mango, laughing on the whole incident. He was totally enjoying eating it. There was some pleasure in eating it after the whole thing.

The gardener had become weak. One day he thought, "After all there's enough mango on the tree. There's no harm in sharing a few with that little boy. Tomorrow it will be a surprise for the boy." And he smiled.

The boy sneaked into the garden again. He couldn't see the gardener anywhere. He went up to the mango tree. To his horror he saw the gardener sitting below the tree, enjoying the soft breeze. The gardener looked up to the boy and smiled. The boy confused and innocent, smiled back at him. The gardener waved his hand as in asking the boy to go ahead. The boy was even more cautious. He stood still. The gardener said, "Fear not my child. You are young, enjoy your youth. Take as much mango as your heart desires, for there is enough for all." and he smiled warmly yet again to the child. The innocent child believed him. And plucked as many as he desired. He smiled back at the gardener and left. The gardener had told him, he was welcome anytime he wanted to come. The boy was delighted.

The boy came eagerly to the garden the next day, smiled at the gardener, plucked some mangoes and went away. It was suddenly so easy for him. It went on for many days.

Suddenly the boy felt dull. There was some fire missing. He felt it. He didn't enjoy the mango the way he used to before. It was happening everyday.

It was easy. It was right there. He wanted it, but still he was getting sick of it. He still wanted it. It sickened him so much that he started loosing his interest in it. He forgot how it tasted. He ate it as if its a routine. Something was still missing.

He thought over it and then he realized: There was some difference. The way he used to get mangoes then and how he gets it now. The pleasure in eating the mango after doing some hard work to get it was different than just getting it like some abundant free thing. The hard work had brought some special taste in the mango. There was some excitement. Taking risk, playing with it, over coming it, being successful and then tasting it. There was some life in it. A challenge.

The young boy was tired of it now. He was sick of eating it. He was sick of it. Challenge is must. To find a challenge, change is must. The boy got up. The change: he went in search of another garden with different fruit and with a younger gardener. It was tougher than before. He played again. And he had enjoyed the fruit even more. The fruit had never tasted better. He was happy again.


ps: Title suggested by Mahi.. Thanks :)

11 Minutes

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to loose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

I've no idea why, but this poem is there in my head since so long. It kept resounding in my head today. A few particular lines of it.This poem had touched me. It was a favorite.Still is.
Its in the novel 11 minutes by Paulo Coelho.

Fly back..

Weirdly take off gave me nausea this time (seating position I guess, not the reason of going back). I couldn't help smiling even when I was getting this sickening feeling in my stomach and heavy feeling in my head. Man I love speed!

Arabian sea looked beautiful from above. And science was easier to understand (even more this time ;D. Read: liquid=layers). I couldn't look outside this time cos of that sickening heavy feeling in my head. All I noticed was, Mumbai had clear sky. And it looked yummy :D (Surprisingly, I was hungry like Kumbhakaran this time!!)

En route to Bangalore, there was turbulence. Could see "cloudy" sky. And when the pilot was reducing his altitude before landing, Bangalore never looked so pleasant to me. It was looking fresh from above. It must have just rained. It looked like a smiling babbu. Like a fresh farm. Shucks! I never loved Bangalore this much! Though I still hate not being able to read and talk the local language properly! grr!!

We stepped out of airport and there, the rain welcomed us. We got into bus, got out of airport and lo, no rain. Compensation: Now its raining heavily with heavy thunders and lightening. How romantic! (Romancing with sleep that is :D)

OH! Main thing!! One of the commanding pilot was also named Aditi!! I gave a BIG grin when it was announced! My mom so wanted to meet her. The main pilot looked like a foreigner, but man he was hot! My mom wasn't listening to me when he was in the same bus as we when we were taken to our plane. (Though later she heard me when we were walking out of airport of getting me married to an pilot!) I kept staring at him, and he was busy with his fancy ipod. He missed some sight in front of him ;). I loved his eyes.

And, my flight ends with a co-passenger after the whole bloody flight asking me when I'm taking out our luggage, "She your grandmom". I with a straight face, "No. Mom" :D

Anger Prevention :)

THINK...

- A match-stick has a head, but it doesn not have a brain.

- Therefore, whenever there is a little friction, it flares up immediately.

- Let us learn from this humble match-stick.

- You and we have heads as well as brains.

- Therefore, let us not react on impusle

- Always SMILE...

(on my cousin sister's board. Very useful for me :D)

A day in Mumbai

Its sticky hot here. But hey, my skin has never been so better! ;)

I'm surrounded by so many books and novels, I spend all day reading it. Surprisingly TV didn't attract me at all! And then yesterday was a great day!

But then I guess my cousin thought I need a break (I was stuck into my room with books all day, currently trying to read The Present by Spencer Johnson and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) Jiju took me out. I was supposedly to go to D-Mart with him, but he surprisingly took me to PVR! And I saw Angels and Demons. Not my kinda movie though, but I enjoyed it. (I loved caramel popcorn for the first time :D) Effects were great and Tom Hanks is as usual good.

Then went around the mall. Man its huge! I didn't have that fun in Blore malls!
Came back home. Had lunch (though my stomach was half full with popcorn) and SLEPT!

Then in the evening we went out for a walk with Jiyu (My darling niece). Surprisingly it was cool in the evening. I asked to go outside the apartments. And guess where we went??

CROSSWORD! Man it was huge! (The mall had a even bigger Crossword) and I was stuck there. And the best part was, I could go and sit there and read till the shop closed. Some Ms. Basu is gonna come read her book today there.

And I found birthday present for myself there. (Which I'm gonna gift myself ;D) Its huge! and I was never so happy!!

I was dragged out of the store, cos it was past dinner time. I saw a thela wala. And guess what I had? Pani puri!! He made it so hot that my stomach was on fire! I had to ask that guy to make it bit sweet! I was so used to the non-pani puri I get in Bangalore! I had to have an ice cream by Naturals (they are better than Amul, I swear!) to cool my stomach.. But it was AWESOME!

Came back home. Made myself cosy in my room again (AC was on this time :D) with a book in my hand and had no idea when i drifted off to sleep.. A dreamless sleep.

And today, I got up with a smile on my lips!
What a place can do!

Home

Just when I thought its over, my life had just begun. I was surprised with myself. Very much surprised. There is still so much to do, and so much to see. I still have to decide where I'm gonna be.

I never understood that happiness, that why my hostel-lite friends used to get so excitedly happy when they were to go home. I never understood their anxiety. Then I realized, I won't understand anything until I don't experience it. And I did. And its wonderful.

Its like I had forgotten myself. I had forgotten how to dance, how to smile and how to laugh. I was so lost in this world that I completely forgot my real self. I had given myself up to things, people. I forgot to see myself. And then it happened.

I flew back home. I placed my first step there and everything came flooding back. Everything seemed so simple again. I couldn't help smiling at people. Strangers they were, and they smiled back. I learnt how to smile again. A real smile. :)

Driving back home I saw trees and I felt peace. It feels nice when you get to feel the same old air.. I felt fresh after so long!

Life is so beautiful. Ironically I felt it when I was about to give up! I'm falling in love all over again. I'm falling in love with my life. I'm feeling so light hearted. I have to thank MJ. Man he took so much pains (and hell it costed him a lot) to make me understand all this! Thanks dude :) I couldn't have done it without you.

All he said was, "Try you fool! Didn't you understand what I was saying? Keep trying you chicken meat! Never give up!" I was too drowned in depression to "really" understand what I was doing to myself.

But then I also learnt, sometimes its best to give up on somethings, so that I can move on with my life. So that I can save my energies and put is somewhere I ought to put it. I have so little time and so much to do.

All I needed was a break. Now I understand why my friends get so happy when they say "home". Its cos you go back to a place where you feel at peace. You get that feeling of belonging.

Its like that dialogue in Kung fu Panda, "You cant think when your mind is agitated, once calm you can see solution to anything" (I don't remember the exact words :D)

I've big plans. I just hope I don't leave it halfway and jump to something else (MJ are u listening?? Keep bothering me then pls ;) )

Sigh!! I'm in love again. He's there right around the corner.

I never knew, I am so special.

Love

I thought, love is infinite. However much you give it to someone, there will be still enough love to give it to other things important to you.
I've no idea if I was wrong.. It seems so.

All good things...

...comes to an end.

It is said, whatever is yours, will stay with you forever, and what is not, will go away.

But the surprising part is, even after you know what is yours, goes away. Its as if the definition is changing. True, you can't hold on to anything, even if it is yours.. But then, it never comes back, or doesn't even stay.
Its as if, nothing is certain. It will be certain, if you take active part in it. Meaning, take interest in it. Show that it does matter to you. Else one fine day, it will go away. Nothing will stay.

You sure have to work to keep what is yours with you. Else..
Nothing stays.