Something comforting about "back to normal". Like it always was.
What everyone craves for.
Made me feel good.
Rains and it's famous pleasant weather.
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Changes have their own perks.
The never ending thirst of immortality. That's what its all about
Almost mixed forever with immortality.
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Record: India-Lanka WC Final-2011. Awesome match.
Sachin steals MSD's thunder. He 'seems' not to mind it.
And I love his composure.
You are so hung up on one thing - Miss out the "slow-rapid" changes in yourself because you didn't listen to yourself either. (At times "you" were reeeeeeally cute :D)
Daydream openly - Get friendly hits thrice on your back and get startled badly. And then listen to them laugh at your multiple expressions running on your face.
You have your space - You are completely with yourself to discover you. Beautiful beautiful freedom! :))
How do I know if I'm in love with the person or in love with the idea of the person? Or is it just the comfort?
Probably I just took one step back. (?)
Wake up, wake up. Closing your eyes to everything won't make it less real. Blocking everything away won't make it disappear. Looking away from it won't make it invisible.
There is this small bubble of happiness when I feel I learnt something. Then I learn something much more about it and then, I have to take a step back to "I still know nothing". There is so much about it that, that little something is equivalent to nothing. Basics is not satisfying. Here, the best part is, I can take a step back with a feeling of still so much more to learn. When that is there, it is still new.
And then there are some steps which once taken, I can never take a step back. It is like once that emotion is felt, I cannot go back to the feeling it for the "first time". The innocence is gone, and there is perfect understanding of some things. Here, the best part is, I can take steps ahead, walk on and find something new.And probably better.
It's been one of the most important thing for me since few weeks now. Me and my obsession for truth. There are some truths I don't want to listen to, even when I probably might know what the truth is. I say probably, because that is my assumption. I'm too sissy to face the truth.
Truth sets you free. It does. I do want that. To get to know that, and get over with it. If it is horrible truth, it will hurt. It might shatter me and send me in denial again. But I know me, and that won't last for long. If it is horrible, what can I do? If there is nothing, I'll simply have to accept it. I cannot force anyone to feel or say something. Truth will at least keep things simple. This is this, and nothing more. Simple. It might kill some things(or I might), but then there is freedom. And that is all I want.
I want to tell the truth, but I can't, not using my voice. I want to tell the truth, and let it be known. I'm not scared of the horrible truth I might get to listen to in return. I have to tell this to my heart, "The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." Once broken, can always be mended. But let it be a mystery now. Let me blur the lines of optimism and realism. Let me be ignorant of the "real" truth till I'm bit more stronger. But truth, I'll say that one day, and listen back some too.
Whining on something that you want bad. You want it and you want it somehow. Finally, suddenly you start getting it. You are startled. You are happy, but you develop cold feet and start pushing that one thing you wanted away, in a subtle way. And when it is almost gone, you realize what you have done, and then feel bad. And almost wish it happens again hoping that the damage is not huge, so that you can act right this time.
Makes me wonder is it sheer stupidity? Is it something we don't really want and are simply stubborn about having it? Or is it a bad reaction to a surprise of actually beginning to get what you wanted when almost thought of giving up on it? :D
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Just when I thought I understood what EXACTLY it feels like when scared, I got the ultimate in my face slap, "Now, are you scared?" kinda incident. I still don't know if I can still say, "Now I know how it feels when I'm scared." :P
Made me realize, sometimes when I say, I've felt it or seen it, I really have much much more to feel and see. Always a little more than the last time, or exceedingly more. And also this that I can never finally totally conclude on certain things.
My heart sings it, it wants say: I'm yours, and yours till today. Today is present, and my present is you. Whatever happens, I want to be with you. To hold your hand, and walk on beach. A silent company, sky turning orange. Look in my eyes, it says it all. I love you now, I'm all yours.
Leaning on a tree in the park, casual day and we dream together. Together we build, a plan, our life. As distant as the dream it seems, a will kept alive by the passion to gain. I have you, what more do I need? You are my pillar. My strength. My angel. With you my love, there is nothing I can't win.
A touch of support. eyes full of patience as I try. Fail I might at times, but you are there with that smile as I am for you. That's all I want.
A kiss in the rain, a slow dance. Sleeping on the grass, watching the stars; running my fingers in your thick black hair. A smile on my lips, you watch me sleep. When the morning rays shine on the dew, the sparke will make me think of you. Hugging me tight, feeling your breath on my neck, Makinng my heart sing like tinkling bells..
Tinkling with joy when I hear your laughter, tickling you more till you surrender. A kiss on your nose, to wish you good day.
Frown on your lips makes my heart melt. A kiss on your lips to make it all well. A hot mug of coca shared sitting in a blanket, watching it rain with a smile on our lips. They are the raindrops of happiness and love for you and me.
Today: 10 May, 2010 Monday 9:30 a.m Reality is what is. Illusion is what is not. The thoughts flow so much sometimes that what is and what is not is mixed. What is is itself not known.
The way mind works. It manipulates the thoughts for its selfish needs. It confuses itself so much sometimes that it itself cannot tell the difference after it merges reality and illusion.
The mind is you. The thoughts go so uncontrolled sometimes that they do need to be manipulated; else it is you who will start getting paranoid. Start ignoring what is there right in front of your eyes, denying it and hoping and believing something that has already happened will work some way or the other. The state of being full of hope(lessness).
Believing is good. Fighting for something you believe in is good. But fighting for something which is not there is madness. Hallucinated state I’ll say. An illusion.
Reality is bitter sometimes. It is in the strength of our minds of how we deal with it and not doubt it when it actually finds a solution, makes you happy by thinking, “shouldn’t I be sad?” Why should I be?
Thinking something is when it isn’t and still believing in it is stupid. It’s like lashing yourself with a whip each time reality breaks in when in state of illusion. More pain and more depression. Going paranoid, more unwanted thoughts and then starts self destruction, without even realizing it. The desperation to make it work, no, rather hoping it will work.
Best is accepting what is, and looking further. There is no point holding on something when you don’t even know if it is worth. It is best to first be sure, and then work. Simply holding on to some theories is not gonna work until you’re not sure of what it is that you exactly want. Be realistic. Being emotional is not being realistic every time. It is simply not to be trusted every time. It does you no good.
First is always you, then the thoughts. Because it is thoughts that affect you.
One fine day, I might be contradicting myself on thoughts. For now, this works.
Its 5 30pm. Semi gray clouds. It’s raining real hard with the occasional thunders. The sound of rain falling on the asphalt is so beautiful that it makes me want to have a coffee and sit in the balcony staring at it pour. I’m here, sans the coffee though.
Bringing back some memories, giving me a funny tickle in my tummy thinking about it. They are romantic. They are sweet. My mood is mellow mature. Enjoying the silence in solitude. A pleasant mood.
Moods.
It is very much controllable. But when you try to over control it, it is disastrous.
Noticed, whenever we are sad, we tend to subconsciously enjoy living in that mood. We tend to bring in more negative thoughts, as if we are attracting it more and more. Maybe we enjoy the attention then? Or maybe we want to be taken care of then? It feels sick from inside, hopeless, writing beautiful heartfelt poems. Waste of energy.
Try getting lost in the song you love the most. Sing along! Try not to control your laugh when you feel like laughing. Laughing actually releases so much of tension. Making you instantly feel much lighter. Enjoy the sound of rain. Enjoy. It is that easy to shift the thoughts; if you stop romanticising with sadness.
It’s a powerful feeling when the mood shifts to a brighter one. The self confidence, the bright smile, the bubbling energy, spring in every step... At that moment everything is unstoppable. Thoughts are beautiful. Everything is possible. There is no doubt. There is no fear.
Another catalyst in negation is possessiveness; when it is mixed with jealousy. Acidic! Love of any kind is free, unbounded. It has to be. Being possessive is fine, but not to such extent that you go insanely wild. Should be careful on whom you should let get close to you...
Stress, tension and depression... Who to let get close to? Who to get attached? Who should I care about? Who are important? Is interaction that important? At some point maybe yea. But sometimes there is more peace when there is less interaction :)
Moods are weird. Feelings... Trying to enjoy something when something else should be tasted...
And it’s best some feelings are not controlled. Love is a beautiful music. Laughter is a beautiful sound. Happiness is sunshine. It is wonderful :)
