Perfection

Perfect. Wanting everything to be more than just proper. Wanting it to be The Best. "It" can be anything that is desired by me. By anyone.

It it a good trait or bad, I don't know. All I know is that I love things to be perfect around me. A recent discovery. Something which was known, but as usual, reluctant to admit. Its a discovery that makes me mad. Wanting everything to be perfect does gets on my nerves sometimes. Well most of the times.

Wanting that thing to be perfect takes away my time in doing other small things. It takes away my piece of mind. I loose my concentration on other small things. I concentrate on wanting one thing that has been selected and set by my mind to be perfect. I work on making just that perfect and leave the rest. That one thing isn't the only thing right? But when that perfection achieved, it leaves me hungry. Wanting more of it.

If I buy a book, it has to be in tip top condition. Without creases, without dirty marks or whatever. The sheets have to be straight and neat. If I have to like a person, that person has to be perfect. There should be no flaws. No flaws in thinking, no flaws in heart, no flaws in the way he decides, works.. Even the skin has to be flawless! And when I look at myself, I see some imperfection. I see it and want to change it. Then and there. If my skin is not perfect, I've to hide it and work towards making it perfect. Cos I've to be perfect. I am perfect. That gives my ego some satisfaction.

When I see that trait in me, its manageable. When seen in others, and when it affects me, its irritating. When in a relationship, perfection kills everything. Its suffocating when it is forced to make everything to be perfect. It kills everything. Even the relationship.

But when something is made perfect, it looks beautiful. It is beautiful because there is no flaw it in it. Its clear and smooth. Its a product of the energy that was put in into when making it. There's some essence of the creator's life in it. And its unique. Because that was when the creator of that perfect thing was alive. Totally alive. Alive because he has a challenge to make "it" perfect. Nothing else matters then, but achieving that goal. Something to live for. Else life is all empty with nothing to do at all. With nothing to live for.