Solitude

  Sometimes there is this unknown desire to avoid everyone’s company still at the same time wanting one specific company. And ironically, the same is unknown too.  When decide to pick and call one, it’s just pushed away.

Sometimes there is this sudden desire to see; suddenly I become quiet and look at everyone, observe the surrounding. Just see. And then the same feeling of avoiding comes in. Wanting to stay in my dungeon again.

Sometimes there are some words bursting to come out; but what I hear is that soft guitar piece from a song. Those pieces are the words wanting to form into a poem unsuccessfully; resulting in sinking into “avoidance” mode; mode of wanting to be away from everything. I can’t take this as running away from things. Of that I’m sure.

I don’t have the patience to explain myself to people. I’ve given up on society. It doesn’t bother me. What irritates me is the questioning: “What happened? Why are you avoiding us?” I’m not doing it on purpose.  Some things should be understood. And sometimes, you should just give space.

Me acting like this is definitely making me realize I’m distancing myself from people, putting even more strains on relations. But then this all has made me see who really my friends are. They know the real me to an extent and even after me behaving like this and hurting them, they are still there for me whenever I call. At least they do understand. A silent understanding.

There is no point in this particular thought. It’s one of those moments when the bubbles just want to escape.

Just that I really don’t need to give explanations to people who understand me and have accepted how I am. (I guess I don't need to give explanations to anyone at all!) This is the beauty. Attachment. Understanding. Caring.  Some do know I distance myself wanting to be alone with my space, but then I do come back to them. Maybe I’m wrong. Only a few will know. Doesn’t matter anyway.

I need solitude. Sometimes there is this huge feeling of not seeing anyone’s face for few days, or even weeks. Not even talk. This is hard to understand why. It’s hard to understand by people that how a person can be alone!  I guess one who questions this, is not comfortable in one’s own company. Insecure or too bothered about people thinking of them to be a looser...

Again a silent blabbering.

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