Jane's Dream

It was a struggle. It was a group of three: Me, You and Someone. The struggle was to win, whatever it was. The plan was to split and take up different task, and bring it to an end. It was a physical and mental torture, sort of.

The steps were slippery. I did slip and fall flat on my face. But it was my fault; I was not careful. The fall taught me to be careful. I had to sit down for a while. Not because I was allowing the pain to take over, but because I needed to let it recede a bit and then climb again; can’t walk when head is dizzy right? It was a problem, and I decided to walk over it. No, I was not dodging it. That was its solution. It was slippery. What else does a person do when they slip and fall over wet granite stairs?

It was getting heavier. A knapsack. I had something that you needed. You asked for it, but told me to give it in a way no one notices. But it didn’t matter. I wanted to see you. The frown got to rest the moment I saw you.

I slung the sack on one shoulder. I started walking. You continue beside me, naturally. I tried to open the sack. But my knees buckled because of the weight. The sack fell open on the ground. A few passerbies walked on, throwing a glance back even as the distance grew.

I was back on my feet, exhaustion consuming me. I started wondering, “What is this game about? How come we are struggling when we are not clear about the game?” I broke the ice. I took your hand, placed your arm around my shoulder as if it’s my drape. The familiar scent. The familiar touch. My head resting on your shoulder. Your hold firm on my shoulders as we walked on. I could feel the exhaustion draining out and listen to my own deep breaths. My hands wrapped around your waist as I fell asleep on your shoulders, as if it is the most natural thing.

We stopped. I heard a voice. It was Someone. Someone was not in the group, I learnt late. Someone asked You, “Are you two a team as two different individuals, or one?” To which I heard your reply as I almost began to dream, “We are one, but still different individuals.” I liked the sound of we, I liked the sound of different. That’s when I fell in dreamless sleep.

I wish I can find out who You are. You are familiar. You are a friend. But still I have not seen You. It was peaceful with you. Secure. A sense of togetherness, a sense of belonging. An enormous feeling of pure love. A simple want to be with you.

And understanding that love is not a struggle. Love is not a game. Love is feeling. A deep affection. Love is You and Me. There never is a Someone. It is just You and Me.

But then again, it was a dream.

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