Bathroom Thoughts

Today: 19th December, 2009
Saturday
12:47 am


It is a wonderful feeling. It had made me feel all warm and special. Feeling of being in love.

Now I stand out of it, and I realized how much I had grown into it. Something about it becomes so comfortable that I had forgotten my individualism. It was we. It was lovely being we, but I and you were lost.

The reason why we fall for each other is because of ‘you’ and ‘I’. And it somehow gets lost. There are no adjustments or compromises, but still it becomes so comfortable that I had stopped many things unconsciously.

Another theory (bathroom theory) I thought of was, I would love to be with someone with whom it will be ‘we’ but at the same time there will be ‘you’ and ‘I’. Meaning, every day will be like our first day together, discovering something or the other about each other or about anything, and still growing close. The need or want will be there, not dependency; but a support.

I started thinking more, discovered so many things about myself that I enjoy that I scare myself of fooling myself. I did move forward, reduced the whining. I became an individual again. It’s like discovering me again. Just that there is no one to share this happiness, excitement with. There are friends, but its not the same.

I want exactly this. Still strongly being an individual when its “we”. You are there to hug not needing a reason. You are there to share my happiness because you understand it the best. You are there. My complains are for me to see. You are there to support when I’m about to fall. You are there, because you love me. But I’m still an individual. I love you, and I’m there too. But you are still an individual.

Maybe like an emotional support? I don’t know, it has to be much more than that...

Love is wonderful. It has to be; it had made me smile. I have no idea if I should control here or let it just flow? Its complex or maybe I’m thinking too much. I really don’t know when I should put a full stop to my thoughts. This, I have to learn to control too. Everything under control? Freak!

In nutshell, all I want is to be in love. But in such a way that it is “we” but still being ‘you’ and ‘I’. I still want to love ‘I’ as much as I will love ‘you’. I still want to keep ‘me’, think individually, sharing thoughts openly, talking everything unimportant and important, and surprising each other every day. Every day will be like first day, discovering ‘you’ and ‘I’, but still will be very close. There will be no need to speak every time, will be comfortable even in silence. It just will be simple and at the same time beautiful. Too difficult to explain but easy to show.

I’m asking too much!

More than that, it must be sounding absurd!