Today: 27 Dec, 2009
8:40 P M
Sunday
After a long time I realized this, I guess I’ve been taking care of so many people around me that I guess it had become a stagnant thing that I would take care of everyone around me I knew and liked (I make an awesome show of, “I don’t care about u” though). Then yesterday, this person who I sometimes feel is a mirror of me kinda let down his guard. (Or must have been acting, who knows?) It felt good to be taken care of by someone as strong as me, or maybe much more or less, who knows? But it felt good to be taken care by a person who is sure of himself and is in control (or acts in control), if only for a moment. There was a tone of authority, but only for me get out of to monotone of “disinterested to do it” attitude. There was no tone of demanding for explanations.
8:40 P M
Sunday
After a long time I realized this, I guess I’ve been taking care of so many people around me that I guess it had become a stagnant thing that I would take care of everyone around me I knew and liked (I make an awesome show of, “I don’t care about u” though). Then yesterday, this person who I sometimes feel is a mirror of me kinda let down his guard. (Or must have been acting, who knows?) It felt good to be taken care of by someone as strong as me, or maybe much more or less, who knows? But it felt good to be taken care by a person who is sure of himself and is in control (or acts in control), if only for a moment. There was a tone of authority, but only for me get out of to monotone of “disinterested to do it” attitude. There was no tone of demanding for explanations.
But then yesterday was too much; so much that it felt maybe weird when we got up the next morning. At least I did. It felt out of place. It was nice, but out of place. (I guess other friend of mine was right when the comment was made, "You like been taken care of sometimes". Was too egoistic to admit :D)
I blabber. I talk small insignificant things with him, after I let my guard down too. I wish I stop being like that. Like being one person with one and something else with other, in sharing sense. But on the other hand sometimes I feel it’s safe. I always wanted this right: not wanting anyone to know me totally. I don’t regret letting one know me to some extent because I’m not the same as that person knew anymore, anyways so what’s the point? I don’t understand should I care enough about this? Or should I just let it be and totally be being however I am with different people. At least if I’m comfortable in that skin of mine, I don’t mind... at least every part of me gets a chance to live, thanks to those people. Still I’m the whole total me with myself, like right now, and it does feel weird when I’m parts and parts of me with different people. I guess it must be the rain and the self company making me talk like this. Who am I kidding? Me? Duh!!
Just go with the flow baby! No point thinking here!
No comments:
Post a Comment